What today's short run means in the long run

Today I took a trip back to my grappling roots--I ran a 5K. Admittedly, running doesn't immediately sound related to grappling very much, if at all, unless you are one of those grapplers who despises running in a circle at the beginning of class to warm up.

But as some of you might recall, I ultimately came to grappling through running; maybe 14 years ago, before BJJ was even a gleam in my eye, I was in grad school and experiencing more and more of what my college pal Honor referred to as "couch butt" (so named because of all the time grad students spend sitting and reading, and enhancing that sitting and reading by drinking coffee, eating snacks, stressing out, and generally neglecting the physical in favor of wigging about the mental). I had forsaken all activity other than studying, eating, sleeping, and occasionally bathing and washing clothes. It had gotten to the point halfway through my first semester where walking across the living room to the bathroom (on the same floor) winded me.

So as someone who had always been active--and, truthfully, who didn't want to be fat--I cast about for ways to stop the insanity, and to reclaim my body.

And I started training for marathons. Starting with one arduous mile at a pop and working my way up from there, I ran, outside when weather permitted, and sometimes even when it didn't, and inside when even I thought it would be stupid to brave the snowdrifts and single digit temperatures. (Remember, I was living in Michigan at the time.) I read Jeff Galloway's book on running. I kept a training journal. I distinctly remember the first day I ever ran ten miles, a challenge as daunting psychologically as it was physically, if not more so. And that night I went to some swing club in Royal Oak with friends (swing was all the rage during the 90s--remember Jump, Jive and Wail by the Rick Setzer Orchestra? Setzer was formerly of the Stray Cats), and not only could I not dance (and seriously, who can't at least move their feet along to swing music), I also could barely stay awake.

Looking back on it, that was my first time experiencing the utter exhilaration/captivation/stupidity of strenuous physical challenges. It was the first time I had really learned to push myself beyond my perceived capabilities in the physical arena. And I guess I liked it, if my life now is any indication.

I did some 5 and 10Ks in preparation for my marathons (one in Chicago in 2007 and one on the Potawatomi trail in Pinckney, MI, in 2008. During the trail marathon it poured down rain the entire time, and I was so cold at the end that I couldn't get my fingers to work to untie my shoes or unlock my car for about 20 min.), and I remember the feeling of camaraderie and fun of those runs; they were usually for a good cause and the participants ranged from complete novices, like me, to seasoned veterans.

The marathons were fantastic too--for instance, the entire city of Chicago turned out for the one I ran there. My favorite memory, over and above the bands, the city muckety-mucks who made long-winded announcements, and even the beautiful dragon that danced around the runners as we went through Chinatown, is of a very small elderly woman, bundled up against a freezing cold winter (though the temperature was probably in the 50s or 60s), standing on her doorstep banging on a pot as hard as she possibly could. I have no doubt that she stood there and banged on that pot for hours--and I for one am grateful that she did.

It didn't take too long, however, for me to max out my potential, such as it was, with marathons. I ran two, and I realized that I wasn't ever going to get much faster, both because, as I like to joke, I'm made of all spare parts and slow twitch muscle, and also because I wasn't interested in doing what it took to overcome what I perceived to be my physical limitations. That's when I started to cast about for something else to do that would give me the adrenaline rush I had become addicted to, but that would also keep me thinking and wanting to do better. So first, it was muay Thai, but then when I saw judo rolls, hip escapes, and situps from guard, I was a goner for the grapply.

That was twelve years ago, and for most of that time, as I also like to joke, I haven't generally made a point of running unless I'm being chased. Or unless I've been warming up for jiu jitsu. More recently I have been doing more running because the CrossFit frequently commands it--Helen, Nancy, Murph, anyone? Indeed, my very first CrossFit workout was Tabata sprints. (In my case, "sprint" quickly became a relative term.) Awful. And addictive; I remember thinking to myself after that workout, as I lay in a pool of my own phlegm, "I want to die. I wonder what tomorrow's workout is going to be." But running has usually been something to avoid/endure, mostly because I have found myself in the position of trying to run faster than is comfortable for me.

Turns out that today was no exception, but it was far more pleasant than I was anticipating. I think I've mentioned that for my internship at http://www.teamcrossfitacademy.com, I have to meet some physical requirements. I've got most of them, though they aren't always pretty; they include things like a sub 9-min Fran, a score of 220 on Fight Gone Bad, a 3/4-body weight clean and jerk, and others. But one of them was eluding me: a sub-26 minute 5K. We did a 5K in class one morning recently, and I got a 26:31. Close, but no cigar. And we are supposed to meet these requirements by, um, today.

And thanks to two of my TCFA teammates, I did. Kellie invited me to run with her this morning in this race: http://www.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=326504. Shannon, an accomplished runner, paced us, running as fast as we needed to run to hit our time so that all we had to do was keep up. Result: my time this morning was 25:26. I came in third overall for the women and first overall in my age group, out of 24 women. Not too shabby. I'm hugely grateful to both of these ladies for enabling me to do this; I wouldn't have made it without them. In addition, I made a contribution to a good cause (children's hospital); got to see someone who is apparently famous, from the TV show Castle (Stanna someone); heard an a capella rendering of the national anthem that DIDN'T make me cringe; saw the actual Rose Bowl arena for the first time, though I've lived within 20 miles of it for almost 4 years now; got free post-race snacks; and got oot and aboot on a beautiful sunny day.

I can say with some certainty that I'm probably going to stick with grappling tournaments for the foreseeable future, but it was very fun to mix things up a little bit today. Thanks to Shannon and Kellie, best of luck to Kids on the Run, and tomorrow it's back to grappling and picking up heavy things.

Huge congrats to Alaina!

Okay, dumb side rearing its ugly head one last time this week. And then it goes away for a long time. I forgot to mention that my pal, and the mastermind behind the women's grappling camp, Alaina was awarded her purple belt on Saturday by Mark Stables and Felicia Oh.

HUGE congrats to Alaina! Alaina is very bendy, so keep that in mind when you roll with her; just when you think you have passed her guard, she will tickle your ear with her big toe, and all of a sudden you'll be contained again. Alaina is also a fantastic person, and I'm fortunate to be able to call her a friend.

There is video of the promotion, which I will try to find and post here. It's worth it to see Alaina's belt change AND Mark's fantastic hair. (Mark looks fantastic all the time, but for some reason, his coif is particularly badass lately.)

The dumb side

In jiu jitsu, people tend to have what I call a smart side and a dumb side. For instance, some people can complete the guard pass to the left very easily, but are more awkward when they try to pass to the right. Or they prefer to attack the right arm for an Americana and hit it consistently whereas when they attack the left arm they have far less success.

Vince says wrestlers can be this way sometimes too--he knows a lot of wrestlers who will only shoot for an outside single from the left, for instance.

As with many things jiu jitsu related, I see the effects of my smart side and my dumb side in my life, too. I'd like to say that this past week I've not written because I've been out and about creating awesomeness in the world, but truly I'm glad the week is over because I've been busy showcasing my dumb side like crazy.

I don't want to go into too much detail about what I've been doing--I am a woman of mystery, after all. (Not buying it, after almost 4 years of gory detail about my life? Understandable. But still.) Suffice it to say that I'm working on it and hoping this week will be better.

In other news, I'm training and CrossFitting a lot, getting ready for competition. I also spent a hilarious day yesterday with Su, Miguel, Ben, and Zeb, eating Greek food and playing video games at the arcade on the Santa Monica pier (Galaga, Centipede, and Area 51, to be exact). Oh, and a cupcake may have been eaten. A devil's food one with peanut butter frosting and peanut butter inside. Maybe. And then an elevated heart rate and a little hyperactivity may have ensued. But the data are inconclusive.

And today I'm getting caught up on a bunch of things, mostly grading. Tomorrow it's back to the grind, which for me involves doing two things I love, training and CrossFitting, and seeing a bunch of people I like. So it's not that grindy after all. Things are looking up! Just gotta lead with the smart side.

Thick-cut, peppered wisdom of the ages

Had a great time at the Ouano tournament on Saturday. There were some exciting matches, I got to hang out with some friends, and I got to run the stopwatch, which always makes me feel powerful. And when time was up on the matches, I got to throw a knotted up towel at the ref to put a stop to the action. Big Jason was my fellow table worker, and he's got this time, score, and bracket keeping down to a science. So I held the stopwatch and he basically did everything else.

Oh wait. I also ate Hershey's kisses, a hamburger, and some Skittles. So I did that too. I have a trick I can do with Skittles, M&Ms, Reese's pieces, or any small candy (and believe me, I have put in a lot of practice) where I flip a piece of the candy into my mouth super fast. Big J was suitably impressed. Or, at least, he claimed to be. (He knows me well enough to know that you just have to nod and smile enough and I will eventually pipe down.)

I have to say, I was incredibly impressed with New Breed's kids. Not only did they all do well at the tournament, they also demonstrated unbelievable sportsmanship--far moreso than many adults I know. First of all, there were enough of them so that some of them had to compete against each other. So they just acted as if it were another day in the academy, fought hard, and then were pals again afterward, regardless of whether they won or lost. And after some confusion about the outcome of one match, one of the kids stepped aside so his opponent (from another school) could advance. How many adults do you know who would do that? They should be very proud of themselves; they certainly taught me a thing or two about poise and why people look up to athletes. So, huge congrats to them for many, many reasons.

There are lots of other things going on that I will report on soon, but for now, I'll report on the most important piece of news, which centers around my visit today to my friend Traver for an acupuncture treatment in Santa Barbara (he and I met at our old CrossFit gym, CrossFit LA, and he opened http://www.crossfitpacificcoast.com/); my alopecia has come back, not as bad as before, but any alopecia is too much. And it's an indication that something isn't quite right.

So I intend to treat myself better. The upshot, according to Trav, is just that I work out a ton--I usually CrossFit once a day and grapple once a day 5 days per week. I rest like crazy on the weekends, but my weekly regimen is pretty intense. So I've tried to increase the amount of sleep I get, and Traver said I need to eat more red meat. He's also going to put me back on the Chinese herb regimen he had me on last year, and I have committed to getting a massage before the end of the month. And I skipped training tonight, so I only worked out once today. And I will say that that little physical activity seemed decadent.

But that's not the important piece of news, speaking of decadent. What was really important about that appointment is that Traver gave me a piece of chocolate that had bacon in it. I had never seen, let alone tasted, such a thing before, and I'm a little irritated that I've lived this long without knowing about it. It was life-altering. I highly recommend that everyone try it, whether they need Chinese herbs or not. And if bacon chocolate is one of the cornerstones of acupuncture, then the Chinese are wiser than I had originally believed.

Always promising

I'm always promising new posts. My joke has always been that it's difficult to strike a balance between writing about my life and going out and having a life to write about. So I'm erring on the side of living this past week. But good stuff is happening, as usual. I'm a lucky chick.

Most notably, I'm dog-sitting this weekend, and the dog is the best person ever. Yes, I have to pick up her poop, but she's pretty and undemanding and likes to lie around a lot. (I wish I could say the same for myself, about all of it.)

I'm headed to the Ouano tournament (http://www.ouanotournaments.com) in a little bit to work a table (keep time and score) and cheer some people on. Then it's back to picking up more poop and maybe grading some papers. And maybe getting my hands on a cupcake or two. My life is glamorous indeed! More soon.

Back to life, back to reality

I had more of a post-camp hangover this time around than I have in the past. While the first 2 camps were absolutely fantastic, they were 2 days longer than this most recent one, so I was just fried by the end of them. This camp was 5 days--long enough for us to have a blast, but not long enough for me to become desperate for sleep and lose control of my faculties. I think we have a winning formula now; we scheduled in enough rest time that we protected ourselves against ourselves and our own penchant for overtraining, and the 5 days was enough to get some stuff done but leave us wanting more. At least, that's what happened with me.

So I've been back at my "normal" life for a week now, and it's groovy too. But I miss the ladies. The camaraderie. The double entendres. (Okay, I get the last two at my academy. But it's different when it's just us chick(en)s.) Felicia, Alaina, Emily, and I (and Kelly, one of the assistant instructors) debriefed the camp last Saturday and have some cool ideas about how to take it into the future. Because it looks like there is going to be a future; we are talking about places and times to have other camps.

I can't tell you how gratifying it is for this camp to be successful, for so many reasons. First, it seems to be helping people. Second, *I* get to help people. I have the knowledge base and the teaching skill now so that I can actually positively affect people's grappling. Third, all this helping is going on within the context of this sport I love so, so, so much. And it's nice to be around people who not only don't need it explained to them, but who share the love, sometimes in scarier and more intense ways than I had imagined possible. Especially members of Team Estrogen.

So I'm thrilled that there's momentum behind this whole endeavor and that it enables me to give back, not just to the chicks who come to camp, but in other ways to my own academy and to grappling in general. I returned to the scene of the crime (BJMUTA in Valencia) on Thurs to discuss next steps with Felicia and Alaina (who has not yet returned to Toronto). We assigned ourselves some tasks and then spent a hilarious 2 hours performing a task that probably should have taken about 20 min: opening a bank account for the camp.

In our defense, our banker was Sheik, who happens to be full of hilarious stories AND a martial artist himself. We love Sheik. So we wasted a good hour and a half of his time opening a bank account, shooting the breeze, and, in my case, drinking 3 cups of coffee. And I don't drink coffee. I had been concerned about the drive back from Valencia to my corner of SoCal, because I was feeling a little sleepy, so I figured a cup of coffee would give me a boost. But then we stayed longer and longer and I drank more and more coffee. By the end, my heart was pounding, and I was definitely blabbing.

So now we have a business bank account! We're sort of official!

I hit the training hard this past week; I'm on a schedule of working out 5 days in a row, one CrossFit workout and one grappling session per day, and then taking the weekends completely off. The weekends are when I become "that person," who does absolutely nothing. I think about things I need from the kitchen right now AND things I might need an hour from now so I only have to get up once. I drive to the drugstore that's a block away. I groan like a senior citizen. I eat only soft, gummable things. Pap, mostly, and any food that comes in "sauce" form.

Okay, I'm not that bad. But I give into the weary, and it's lovely. I slept for 11 hours on Friday night/Saturday morning, and I'm definitely adding that to the to-do list on a regular basis. I visited some CrossFit pals and cheered them on as they did a new warrior workout called Stephen (it's unfortunate when there's a new warrior workout b/c it means there's a new casualty of war--I know; there are many every day, but the new workouts drive that home in a unique way). While they did the workout, I sat on a plyometric box and drank water. I cheered every now and then, and then I examined my fingernails, and then I stretched, and then I hugged some people I hadn't seen in a while--from a seated position, of course--and then I congratulated everyone on a job well done. And then we all went and ate!

I also continued my internship at Team CrossFit Academy this past week; I may have mentioned that in addition to working out at TCFA, I have been interning there since November, helping out with classes and learning more about how to be a good instructor. I'm getting great guidance from Eric, Vanessa, and Kellie, and learning to teach CrossFit well is as humbling as striving to improve at CrossFit itself. Particularly with the barbell work, so of course that's what Eric has me work on all the time.

Eric and I had a meeting the other day to discuss my progress. I have a pretty good sense of what my weaknesses are and what I need to work on; in addition to just content knowledge about lifts and terminology, my main goal is presence/confidence. Apparently Nicole Carroll, who has been a CrossFit instructor and athlete for many many years, talks about how it's important for you as an instructor to come across with the "big you." In other words, as I develop confidence and become a better coach, I'm not going to be another Eric (I'd have to work for decades to even get into the same galaxy as Eric anyway). Instead, I'm going to be the biggest, most present version of myself.

So that's what I'm working on. It's intangible and odd and challenging, but I feel like I'm making progress. I also have physical requirements to meet, and I'm slowly knocking those out too. But this CrossFit stuff is very much like jiu jitsu in that the lasting lessons/takeaways have relatively little to do with how to perform a correct squat, and relatively lots to do with how to be a better person--the biggest me I can be.

I'm struggling with making the time to write. I'm writing here, in my blog, though I haven't written since last Sunday, but I'm not working on creating a book deal. I thought I was still smarting from being dumped by my agent last summer, but I really don't think that's it. It's just that things conspire to fill the spaces in my life. In good ways. But I intend to be more diligent about it; the writing truly is important to me, so now I need to demonstrate that to myself, to others, and to the universe.

I've been wondering lately if part of my block against making the time to write is that I don't want to encounter the quiet place in my mind. If there are things lurking there that I don't want to face. So of course that means I need to face them. Add to to-do list: meditate. Or at least get quiet. Turn the radio off in the car. Turn off the TV (but not Judge Judy). I intend to have a much better year this year than I did in 2009, so I want to be all proactive and shit about it.

So maybe it's time to go be pensive. Oh, and I forgot it was Superbowl Sunday until about 10 this morning. Congrats to the Saints! And now, back to gumming my dinner.