Back to life, back to reality

I had more of a post-camp hangover this time around than I have in the past. While the first 2 camps were absolutely fantastic, they were 2 days longer than this most recent one, so I was just fried by the end of them. This camp was 5 days--long enough for us to have a blast, but not long enough for me to become desperate for sleep and lose control of my faculties. I think we have a winning formula now; we scheduled in enough rest time that we protected ourselves against ourselves and our own penchant for overtraining, and the 5 days was enough to get some stuff done but leave us wanting more. At least, that's what happened with me.

So I've been back at my "normal" life for a week now, and it's groovy too. But I miss the ladies. The camaraderie. The double entendres. (Okay, I get the last two at my academy. But it's different when it's just us chick(en)s.) Felicia, Alaina, Emily, and I (and Kelly, one of the assistant instructors) debriefed the camp last Saturday and have some cool ideas about how to take it into the future. Because it looks like there is going to be a future; we are talking about places and times to have other camps.

I can't tell you how gratifying it is for this camp to be successful, for so many reasons. First, it seems to be helping people. Second, *I* get to help people. I have the knowledge base and the teaching skill now so that I can actually positively affect people's grappling. Third, all this helping is going on within the context of this sport I love so, so, so much. And it's nice to be around people who not only don't need it explained to them, but who share the love, sometimes in scarier and more intense ways than I had imagined possible. Especially members of Team Estrogen.

So I'm thrilled that there's momentum behind this whole endeavor and that it enables me to give back, not just to the chicks who come to camp, but in other ways to my own academy and to grappling in general. I returned to the scene of the crime (BJMUTA in Valencia) on Thurs to discuss next steps with Felicia and Alaina (who has not yet returned to Toronto). We assigned ourselves some tasks and then spent a hilarious 2 hours performing a task that probably should have taken about 20 min: opening a bank account for the camp.

In our defense, our banker was Sheik, who happens to be full of hilarious stories AND a martial artist himself. We love Sheik. So we wasted a good hour and a half of his time opening a bank account, shooting the breeze, and, in my case, drinking 3 cups of coffee. And I don't drink coffee. I had been concerned about the drive back from Valencia to my corner of SoCal, because I was feeling a little sleepy, so I figured a cup of coffee would give me a boost. But then we stayed longer and longer and I drank more and more coffee. By the end, my heart was pounding, and I was definitely blabbing.

So now we have a business bank account! We're sort of official!

I hit the training hard this past week; I'm on a schedule of working out 5 days in a row, one CrossFit workout and one grappling session per day, and then taking the weekends completely off. The weekends are when I become "that person," who does absolutely nothing. I think about things I need from the kitchen right now AND things I might need an hour from now so I only have to get up once. I drive to the drugstore that's a block away. I groan like a senior citizen. I eat only soft, gummable things. Pap, mostly, and any food that comes in "sauce" form.

Okay, I'm not that bad. But I give into the weary, and it's lovely. I slept for 11 hours on Friday night/Saturday morning, and I'm definitely adding that to the to-do list on a regular basis. I visited some CrossFit pals and cheered them on as they did a new warrior workout called Stephen (it's unfortunate when there's a new warrior workout b/c it means there's a new casualty of war--I know; there are many every day, but the new workouts drive that home in a unique way). While they did the workout, I sat on a plyometric box and drank water. I cheered every now and then, and then I examined my fingernails, and then I stretched, and then I hugged some people I hadn't seen in a while--from a seated position, of course--and then I congratulated everyone on a job well done. And then we all went and ate!

I also continued my internship at Team CrossFit Academy this past week; I may have mentioned that in addition to working out at TCFA, I have been interning there since November, helping out with classes and learning more about how to be a good instructor. I'm getting great guidance from Eric, Vanessa, and Kellie, and learning to teach CrossFit well is as humbling as striving to improve at CrossFit itself. Particularly with the barbell work, so of course that's what Eric has me work on all the time.

Eric and I had a meeting the other day to discuss my progress. I have a pretty good sense of what my weaknesses are and what I need to work on; in addition to just content knowledge about lifts and terminology, my main goal is presence/confidence. Apparently Nicole Carroll, who has been a CrossFit instructor and athlete for many many years, talks about how it's important for you as an instructor to come across with the "big you." In other words, as I develop confidence and become a better coach, I'm not going to be another Eric (I'd have to work for decades to even get into the same galaxy as Eric anyway). Instead, I'm going to be the biggest, most present version of myself.

So that's what I'm working on. It's intangible and odd and challenging, but I feel like I'm making progress. I also have physical requirements to meet, and I'm slowly knocking those out too. But this CrossFit stuff is very much like jiu jitsu in that the lasting lessons/takeaways have relatively little to do with how to perform a correct squat, and relatively lots to do with how to be a better person--the biggest me I can be.

I'm struggling with making the time to write. I'm writing here, in my blog, though I haven't written since last Sunday, but I'm not working on creating a book deal. I thought I was still smarting from being dumped by my agent last summer, but I really don't think that's it. It's just that things conspire to fill the spaces in my life. In good ways. But I intend to be more diligent about it; the writing truly is important to me, so now I need to demonstrate that to myself, to others, and to the universe.

I've been wondering lately if part of my block against making the time to write is that I don't want to encounter the quiet place in my mind. If there are things lurking there that I don't want to face. So of course that means I need to face them. Add to to-do list: meditate. Or at least get quiet. Turn the radio off in the car. Turn off the TV (but not Judge Judy). I intend to have a much better year this year than I did in 2009, so I want to be all proactive and shit about it.

So maybe it's time to go be pensive. Oh, and I forgot it was Superbowl Sunday until about 10 this morning. Congrats to the Saints! And now, back to gumming my dinner.