Back in SoCal

Felicia and I got back to SoCal yesterday after an AMAZING women's grapplycamp. I don't know where to start describing it. I met terrific women who love grappling and are in different stages of their grappling development. I got to help them think about where they might want to go with grappling and how they might want to contribute. I got to see old friends too, from the other camp and from earlier than that. I got to hang out with Emily, Alaina, and Felicia, who are the group that makes up http://www.womensgrappling.org/ (check it out!). I ate poutine, ketchup chips, and other Canadian delights. I had a great time at MECCA, which is the gym in Toronto that sponsored us. I, along with Emily and Felicia, talked to Bruce Hoyer for http://www.thefightworkspodcast.com/ about the camp and women in grappling--that podcast should be airing in about a week.

And now I'm back, trying to get back on Pacific time and gearing up for a very busy fall. I'll be teaching online courses, teaching CrossFit, teaching grappling, CrossFitting and training myself, competing, and writing. It will be good--a good way to start my new chapter, I think. Oh, and I'm also going to be doing a seminar at Fifty 50 BJJ (http://www.5050bjj.com/) in Virginia on September 21. Fifty 50 is run by my friends Ryan Hall, Seph Smith, and Jen Flannery. That should be wicked awesome!

I do resolve to write more as part of that busy fall I mentioned. But right now, I have to go sleepies so I can get up early tomorrow and support my friend Zeb, who is starting as an instructor at David Paradiso's new CrossFit box (http://www.paradisocrossfit.com/). Their grand opening is tomorrow. Check them out, and congratulations to them both!

Oh, and one last thing. I haven't forgotten that I have been drawn east lately. I'm just not prepared to do anything about it other than be drawn. We'll see where that leads; as I mentioned, my next trip is in September; before I make it to Fifty 50, I'll be hanging out in Richmond with the usual suspects there. So I'm just gearing up for a fun autumn; I think I'm the only one who is happy that summer is almost over. And the rest will take care of itself.

Grapplycamp

I'm in Toronto; have been since last Fri. Whirlwind week of training and hanging out with cool grapplychicks, including Felicia, Emily, Alaina, Chrissy, and many many new pals. There's lots to report, but very little time (and at this point in the camp, energy) to do it. I gotta get honest again about writing. I think I'm ready, both to blog and to work on my book proposal.

The camp is pretty badass. We think there's going to be enough interest going forward to do two a year, one per coast. Not too shabby.

Right now I'm going to settle in for an early night (it's about 11:30, which is about 3 hours earlier than we have normally been going to sleep this week. And every morning it's back to MECCA (Modern Something Combat Something Academy, run by Mark Stables, Marcus Soares black belt, and his little dog Buddha) for about 14 hours of shenanigans, free samples from our sponsors, jokes, Toronto life, and training. Life is pretty good in Toronto if you like the grapply and are a chick. More soon, I hope!

Continuing to walk about

I just got back from the east coast; I was at a wedding in NYC and then in the Catskills for the weekend with the wedding folks. What. A. Blast. Tim, the groom, is a friend from college (so, 20 years ago), and Danielle, the bride, is the sister of another friend from college (Jason). So many of the guests were people I literally learned how to be an adult with. Or, at least, learned how to pretend to be an adult with. I spent the weekend laughing so hard my stomach still hurts, and marveling at how many amazing, smart, funny people I know.

Now, lest you think I have forgotten how many amazing, smart, funny people I know whom I DIDN'T go to college with, I haven't. In fact, seeing friends I rarely get to see has made me realize that it's important not to take for granted the ones I get to see more often--and to make the effort to see them as often as possible. So what it boils down to is that I am a lucky chick with lots of people in my life bringing the funny.

I got to train at Clockwork BJJ on Fri, with Josh Griffiths. I had met Josh a couple years ago during a different trip to NYC, and this time I got to hang out with him and his students. He rolled with me and let me play, only sweeping me a couple times instead of tapping me out repeatedly like he definitely could have. It was a good way to sweat out some wine from the wedding the night before and shore myself up for the weekend in the Catskills that followed. There wasn't any grappling there, but there was some CrossFitting, some 12-oz curls, and some swimming in a freezing cold river to cool off after a rousing game of old school kickball. There was also plenty of sitting around and being lazy.

And oh, the food. Suffice it to say that I'm hoping the next 3 days of training a lot will get me back to fighting trim.

On Friday I go to Toronto for a women's grappling tournament and then the second installment of the women's grappling camp. Should be a great time. In the meantime, I am catching up on stuff, thinking about when/how to start writing my book again, and wondering if I belong in SoCal anymore. I seem to be drawn east lately, and I'm trying to pay attention to that. I'm not prepared to make any grand gestures any time soon, but I have been feeling somewhat dissatisfied with things for a while now. I'm hoping that all my trips will help me get clarity, and not just serve to distract me.

Anyway, I should provide more details, but I'm sleepy. It's past midnight on the east coast.

New, improved walkabout

I've been in Canada for the past week with family, seeing theater at the Shaw festival, training at Gracie Barra Niagara and CrossFit Niagara (thanks to Vince, Mark, Kim, and everyone else who has helped me keep some semblance of a routine this week!), and generally enjoying a little time outta Dodge. I guess you should be careful what you wish for, because I'll be in SoCal a grand total of 6 full days this month, and then parts of one or two other days, which are for travel. I've been here, in Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, and get back tomorrow eve. Then I head out again on Wed morning for NYC, where my friends Tim and Danielle are getting married and I will have what will amount to a mini college reunion with some of my favorite people. (I'll also train at Clockwork BJJ, run by Josh Griffiths, and check out CrossFit Brooklyn with my pal Chris Walker). Then I'm back after that weekend for about 4 days, after which I take off again for maybe 8 days, back to Toronto, to teach at the 2nd women's grappling camp sponsored by Felicia and Alaina.

So in some ways, I'm back on walkabout. This could be good, because I kind of did want an escape. Kind of. There are some good things about my life back in SoCal, but there were enough dissatisfying ones that I did want a change of scenery. So I'm hoping this month will shake some things loose and start me down a new path, now that, as Nora says, the old walkabout chapter has come to a close with me cleaning out my Chicago storage. So this is a NEW walkabout! For the month of August it is actually, geographically a walkabout, but as I move forward, I'm imagining that it will become a walkabout of the mind. And soul.

Oooh, I'm really deep!

Anyway, so, like a baby deer trying its legs for the first time, I am stumbling around the cluttered spaces of my own life trying to find the good stuff, blithely mixing metaphors as I go. I'll keep you posted.

I'm back, somewhat

Aside to John: Both of us stole "long, dark teatime/party of the soul" from Douglas Adams. He's dead, so he probably doesn't care, but you gotta give credit where it's due, especially to the man who reminded us of the importance of a towel and that 42 is more than just how old I will be in really not that many years. Yoiks.

Okay, for the first time in weeks I have actually felt a little bit like writing. I don't feel like working on my proposal, or even the book, which you'd think would be the fun part, but I'm ready to start stream-of-consciousness writing on here again. I know I've been down because of how long the days seem. Back when I had left the grid, sort of, but didn't know what I was going to do with myself, the days stretched out endlessly, and the idea of filling them meaningfully was daunting. When I hit my stride and now, when things are flowing, the days just fly by in a good way. But at the moment, I'm back to wondering how on earth I'm going to fill them. And I'm also finding myself way too preoccupied with the past and the future, which takes me completely out of the present.

I was going to say that some of what's taking me out of the present is fear, but that's all of it, if I'm being completely honest. My very wise friend Adamarie told me that people make decisions and act on those decisions for one of two reasons--love or fear. (I have probably described this before.) And we try to keep each other honest, that we don't make our decisions based on fear anymore; if we have tough choices to make or find ourselves sliding back into old habits, we remind each other.

Well, I have fallen off the wagon recently. I'm doing lots of things out of fear. Not writing. Feeling lonely but pretending I'm not because I'm preoccupied with what other people will think. Wondering if I belong in SoCal long term. Worrying about money, though my history with money in the past few years suggests that I will be absolutely fine, and that money will come along when I need it, which I don't quite yet--though it's getting closer than it ever has, which is why I'm fearful. I'm working on all of it, and that includes focusing on doing the things I love and feel compelled to do (see, there's that love thing going on). So keep a good thought.

So that's a start. I'm in the Atlanta airport right now and have been since my red eye from LAX landed about 3am (according to my body clock). As I described to my friend Moike (he's from Australia, so I make fun of the way he says "Mike." Because I am an a-hole.), being in an airport in the middle of the night is like being in a funhouse mirror, only every sense is distorted. I'm waiting for my connecting flight, so I'm not thinking too clearly. But the point is, even though I'm missing some fun stuff back in SoCal, I think it's good for me to get out of Dodge for a bit. And I'll be getting out of Dodge quite a bit in August; I'm gone on this trip till next Sunday, then I leave again the following Wed for my friend Tim's wedding in NYC. Then I'm back for about 4 days before leaving again for the last 10 days of the month for Women's Grappling Camp 2. This time we go international, to Toronto. There's also a women's tournament there, to start the week off right.

So, as I said, I'm somewhat back. I'm trying, at least, even though Yoda says there is no try. Well, Yoda can suck it. Just this once.