It's apt that I'm writing about my bumbling attempts to learn to express my anger in my proposal. It seems I have lots of opportunities to practice lately. The most recent is the fender bender I was in this morning. It was not yet 5:30am and I got rearended. (Some friends have already told me that the moral of the story is that I should never get up that early.) I was waiting to make a right at a red light when it happened. For those of you keeping score, this is the third accident I have been in in 18 months. It is the third accident that was the other guy's fault. For a change of pace, it was the first accident that was not a hit and run.
I'm sure the guy was wishing he had run, though. I got really pissed off, especially when he 1) tried to introduce himself to me and shake my hand (I just looked at him and said, "I'm not interested in meeting you." This wasn't a play date.), 2) suggested about 3 times that we move off the street we were on--and onto one that was far busier (I said, with increasing force each time, that we weren't going anywhere; it was 5am so there wasn't much traffic, and the other street was busier anyway; and I'm realizing after the fact that I didn't want him getting back in the car because that's what the other two guys did--said they wanted to pull over to a safer spot--right before they took off), and 3) started calling me Valerie after I gave him my information (okay, pal, we are NOT on a first name basis, and using my first name is not going to endear you to me regardless of what you might have read in your Psych 101 textbook. It's actually going to make me want to rip your face off. It always makes me cringe a little when I hear people use a server's name if they see it on the name tag. I don't know exactly why I don't like it, but I don't.).
I am very grateful that I'm not hurt, which I'm not, and that it looks like the damage to the car is mostly cosmetic, though I have to get that checked out. Well, let's rephrase that. I know it's appropriate to be grateful; let's put it that way. I'm just not FEELING grateful yet. I'm trying to get there, but this is the latest in a long line of things that are making me feel put upon the past couple months.
The whole situation and the way I've been feeling lately makes me wonder about my karma, what I'm doing to bring this crap to me. I guess I don't get a pass on having to deal with bad stuff even though I am working hard on understanding myself and evolving, blah blah blah, but it still sucks to have to deal with. I've decided to try to shake things up a little bit. I'm going to Ojai on Thursday to get some reiki from my friend Jon. I'm going out of town on Sunday for a week to clean out my storage locker in Chicago. (I had a session with Nora the other day, and she said that's going to be huge for me energy-wise.) I'm having ice cream for dinner. (Okay, that's not really that unusual.)
In better news, I finished the latest draft of my proposal and am going to send it to my agent after one last proofread. I like it, I think. It's hard to tell because I'm so mired in it. But there are parts that are funny. We'll see what Jason says.
Also, HUGE congrats to Marcel and Jenny, who are expecting their first angry, slanted baby late this year! Thus continues Marcel's evolution into Cuddly Teddy Bear Man.