Things are looking up!

I'll briefly describe updates on my litany of complaints last week:

1. I don't have breast cancer! (That was the set of tests I was waiting for results on). I am going to be kicking my current health care providers to the curb, however. More details on that later.

2. My check arrived! And cleared! So now I'm flush again. (Thanks to Steve for offering to serve as my legal counsel and to countless others for offering to break legs with lead pipes if needed).

3. I told off one of the people who picked a fight with me. Said person reads this blog, so if said person is wondering, yes; this time I am talking about you.

4. I won my division at the Mundial! I was able to pull off some of what I have been drilling with Johnny and Vera, and that's the most gratifying part.

5. On the awards podium, Johnny pulled out a brown belt and tied it around my waist! So I'm officially promoted. I had no idea he was planning this. I have pictures, but blogger is not cooperating, so I will post them later. Meantime, I am excited!

And I have a bone to pick with Marcel and Steve, who both concluded that these happy occurrences--my win and my promotion--will send me into a tailspin of despair and self-doubt.

I am irked because they would normally be right, only now I have to be happy to spite them. Ha ha, assholes! I am feeling really good and eating onion rings and bear claws, not French fries and donuts, like you predicted. I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a BROWN BELT!

I am truly happy.