Prancing and Sucking

I quit my job, sold my home, and drove around the country in the summer and fall of 2006, training BJJ, finding myself, and landing in LA. I still travel a lot and get to train in amazing places. Some of my friends are irritated that I "prance" around the world and think I "suck" for doing so.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Pics, planning next steps, training at Gracie Tampa

Tomorrow I'm gonna train at Gracie Tampa with Rob Kahn and some of his students. My parents are coming with me. I think we're all a little nervous about it, but we figured that since BJJ was important enough for me to quit my job over, they might want to come see what the fuss is about. They have seen me train before, but not for quite a while. I'll spend New Year's Eve on Sanibel Island with Jen and Pat. And then I'm thinking I'll hit the road back to LA next week. I heard back from Ouano that I can crash at New Breed again when I arrive while I look for a place to live. I haven't figured out the whole itinerary, but I'm thinking I'll pass through Atlanta, Dallas, Albuquerque (again, to visit Adamarie), and Phoenix before I hit the "best coast," as Dr. Kimura would say. So I have some planning to do. And am open to suggestions about where to train!

Here are some pics I was promising.

Here is a crapload of awesome students who came to class the night I visited David Jacobs' Yamasaki academy in Fairfax, VA. BTW, Dave said that if I didn't come to the academy he would never speak to me again. Sweet Jesus, the man shouldn't make promises he isn't willing to keep. I'll try him next time.


Joe (Joemoplata) in his brand new brown belt, Salvatore (my impromptu coach for my match against Emily and also the winner of the brown belt professional division at the tournament in Richmond, VA, on December 9), Dave himself, me, and Sam (Triangle).


Ken and Mary, friends of mine from college. Well, Ken and I went to college together and Mary went to Bates, basically up the road. So they've been together since we were all 21 or so. I remember when they called to tell me they had gotten engaged (after 7 years of dating). I breathed a sigh of relief; it was touch and go there for a while.

Nobody knows what kind of face I'm making. But the point is, they are awesome friends that I'm lucky to have. I also must give a shout out to their gorgeous little girl, who happens to share my birthday.

Me with Julie, another old, dear college friend. Julie is due in May with her and her husband Patrick's first child. She's another friend whose importance to me I can't really convey. She's just awesome and I miss her and can't wait to meet her son or daughter!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

God's waiting room

Still in Sebring with my family. God's waiting room, as my father describes it (lots of retirees here, especially in the golf community they live in). Fitting that I'm in a waiting room of some kind. Will spare you any extension of the metaphor, however. Draw your own conclusions re: my life and next steps and turning and coughing, etc.

Had a very nice Christmas; the weather was described as "bad" because it was a little rainy, and "cold" because it's in the 60s. No complaints from me, especially because the sun is out again today. My aunt and uncle came from the west coast of FL where they have a vacation home to spend the day and night. There was lots of eating, lots of gift opening, and lots of sitting around. Not such a bad way to spend a day. I am getting antsy to train again, though, so Gracie Tampa on Saturday will be good. I keep telling myself that taking a little time away from training is good for my training. I almost believe it.

My sister, brother-in-law, and niece go back to IL tomorrow; I'll stay on a little longer. I think I'll be going to Ft. Myers for New Year's Eve to hang out with Jen* and Pat, and maybe watch the John Cena-Kevin Federline wrestling match with them on New Year's Day. Speaking of the Fed-Ex (I love that), here are some other pics from the wrestling shindig the other night. Not terrific, but you can at least see what we were seeing:

Can't remember what this one was, but there are some people wrestling in it.


30 dudes in the ring at once. Last one in the ring (not tossed out of it) wins. A hot Canadian dude whose name escapes me (oh, it was the Edge) stole it out from under the Heartbreak Kid. This is the one where there was a huge black dude in huge white pajamas. Triple-H was there too, though not Batista. I think of Triple-H and Batista together because for a while they had some kind of fight going on. I feel about Batista the same way I feel about Peter Steele, the bassist and lead singer for Type O Negative: I want to date him and I simultaneously want a restraining order against him.


Kevin Federline on the jumbotron.

Live feed, apparently, of Sylvester Stallone hawking the new Rocky movie.


My parents are trying to convince me to stay as long as I want--or at least to convince me that I'm welcome to do so. I know I am, but it won't be good for me to stay much after the new year, both because I want to train regularly and because I need to find a freaking life. More on that later.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Happy holidays!

Sitting in a coffee shop called Brewster's here in Sebring, FL. Not much training going on, but I am taking 5 mile walks every day to stay in some kind of shape and do a pre-emptive strike against all the fattening treats around the house. Plus, I still think about BJJ all the time and dream about it too. I'll be training at Gracie Tampa on Saturday, so that will be fun. My parents are gonna come watch me!

But meanwhile, it's all about my niece. Special butter toast, Frosty the Snowman (she knows the lyrics by heart), playing "basketball," WonderPets (great show!), decorating cookies. That girl could ask me to quit BJJ forever and I would seriously consider it. That's how besotted I am. And to show you how creative she is, here is a picture of one of her artistic visions:

There's a cookie under there somewhere.

Here, too, as promised, is a picture of me with Guy and Rob Pendergrass. Thanks again to them for such a fun time the other night! They run a tournament in NC, usually in March or thereabouts, and I am going to try to go to the next one. You should too!


Other pics to follow: from my visit to Yamasaki, more from WWE night, and more of my awesome civilian friends. Those will wait till after the holiday, though. Tonight we'll probably drink a lot of wine and egg nog, have some of my parents' friends over for dinner, and eat too much. Tomorrow my aunt and uncle will arrive, and we'll open presents, tool around on the golf cart (OH, that reminds me: I also promise pictures of the houses around here, whose owners go all out with the holiday decorations. It's quite a sight to behold. Especially the signs that say, "Happy birthday, Baby Jesus!"), and eat some more.

Tues should get back to "normal," which for me means figuring out when and how I will get back to LA and what I should do to make a living once I get there. Watch this space.

And meantime, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! I hope you feel blessed and content this holiday season and on into 2007.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Sigh

Posting from my parents’ computer; no wireless to pirate here in the golf community they have retired to, so I can’t use my own computer till I get to a coffee shop. This means no pics till then. But when I do post pics, I’ll have more cool ones from WWE night and my time with my other civilian friends Julie and Ken, Mary, and their daughter. I’ll also have pics from training with Dave Jacobs at his Yamasaki academy in Fairfax, VA, along with Joemoplata, Salvatore, Sam, Christine, George, Dmitry, and Adrienne, among others. AND, I’ll have pics of training with Guy and Rob Pendergrass at their academy in Wake Forest, NC, last night. Guy and Rob are twin brothers, brown belts under Gustavo Machado, and are high-larious. One of them (and yes, I forget which one) was doing an impression of Jeff Monson shooting in for takedowns on Tim Sylvia. He was walking around on his knees (Monson is much shorter than Sylvia, by about a foot, actually) and pretending to have no neck and be an anarchist with a master’s in counseling. And yes, Monson is really a short, no-necked anarchist with a master’s in counseling.

In other news, I have many reasons to sigh today. In no particular order:

The resigned sigh: I understand from Marcel/Marco/Letmbleed/Giant pain in my ass that I “failed” congratulations. He petulantly pointed out that I hadn’t congratulated him on his promotion to brown belt on my blog, so I remedied that. But apparently I didn’t do it right. So let’s try again.

Marcel, heartiest congratulations to you on your brown belt! It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving, technical, intelligent, and handsome person. I know the opinion of a mere woman matters little in the grand scheme of things, especially about Brazilian jiu jitsu, but I do hope my modest wishes contribute in some small way to your satisfaction with this amazing accomplishment.

Now kiss my ass.

The tired sigh: I am sitting in my parents’ house in Sebring, FL, after a long drive yesterday and today, starting in Silver Spring, MD, passing through Wake Forest, NC, where I trained with Guy and Rob Pendergrass, and ending for the night near Florence, SC, at a mildly scary Days Inn. Then today I drove the rest of the way to Sebring, leaving at 10am and arriving finally around 7 (lots of traffic). So I am weary. It was all I could do to raid the refrigerator and sit down to read the completely ridiculous “controversy” on the forum, which has to do with tournaments.

Anahi described the forum as a high school, which it really seems to be. She has figured out which forum members correspond to which high school personalities. I forget what she has come up with, but in my mind, Dave Jacobs is the class president; Marcel is the angry, Smiths-listening-to, resisting-authority closet intellectual guy; and Chrissy is the class vice president (everyone knows in high school the president doesn’t do anything and the VP does EVERYTHING). But the point is, the stuff that happens on the forum is totally juvenile. And I read every word I can.

But, as usual, I digress. I am tired. I think it was 4 or 500 miles of driving today. Big thanks to Jen* for giving me her Paste CDs. Paste is a music magazine she subscribes to that includes a compilation CD with every issue. She ripped the contents of about 6 of them to her computer and gave them to me for the ride, and they kept me good company on the road when I wasn’t texting Chrissy, Jimmy, and Anahi or talking to Maura and Natasha.

The sucker sigh: I’m hanging out waiting for my parents to get home from the airport; they are picking up my sister, brother-in-law, and 2 ½ -year-old niece. They just called to let me know that everyone is present and accounted for and they’ll be back soon. The sucker part is that apparently my niece was asking where “Val-ree” is, and when I hear stuff like that, I promise her both of my kidneys if she needs them. We are going to sing a lot of Itsy Bitsy Spider, Baby Bumble Bee, and The Wheels on the Bus this week. It’s gonna kick ass!

The frustrated sigh: I have ringworm. On the back of my thigh. I’m thinking it must have been when I trained no-gi, but I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have a pair of gi pants on. I guess I should be happy that it hasn’t happened more on my trip, but it’s a drag. An itchy, ugly, ring-like, wormy drag. Plus, I got another elbow to the face in training last night, so I have yet another shiner. Just a small one this time; it just looks like I have too much eye shadow on.

I’m also frustrated because I’m going through another my-jiu-jitsu-sucks phase. It may very well be the case that my jiu jitsu always sucks, even when I don’t think it does, but I am happier when I don’t think it does. I’d just like to get back to feeling good about it, even if I’m deluded. It’s like that book Flowers for Algernon. The main character, Charlie, is mentally impaired. Everyone is mean to him, but he doesn’t realize it, so he thinks they are being nice, which makes him happy. Ignorance is bliss. So I want to be ignorant of the holes in my jiu jitsu game so I can just enjoy myself. I want to be mentally impaired when it comes to jiu jitsu.

That doesn’t sound right. Well, you know what I mean.

The contented sigh: Notwithstanding my awareness of my jiu jitsu’s suckiness, I had a great couple weeks in Chicago, VA, Philly, DC, and NC, training with awesome, fun people, and seeing lots of dear friends in the bargain. I am really fortunate in the friends department; they say that friends are the family you choose, and I’m so grateful that the family I chose has allowed me to choose them.

The holy-crap-Christmas-is-in-3-days-and-I-have-done-jack-squat sigh: Self explanatory.

The end of the road sigh: Technically, now that I have reached my parents’ place, my BJJ vision quest is at an end. On December 31 I will have been on the road for 6 months. I am getting really ready to land somewhere—LA, to be exact—find an apartment, and spend less time in my car. Of course, I still have to get there, which means more driving and probably more opportunity to visit academies I haven’t yet made it to, as well as more blogging. But in a very real way, my trip is over.

I don’t have all the answers to my life questions, but it would be a tall order to expect that from this trip. I don’t know if I accomplished what I set out to accomplish, as my friend Mary asked, primarily because I don’t know exactly what that was. I am poorer, though far from broke; homeless, though far from being out on the street; and psychologically, mentally, and physically unable or unwilling to go back to the life/career I left in Chicago. So I sound like a mess. But I’m in a better place than I have been in a long time.

I made some new friends and reconnected with some old ones, got the opportunity to spend most of my time doing something I love, tested my courage and self confidence on a pretty regular basis, put about 15,000 miles on my car, and through all that have slowly figured out how to live a happier and more fulfilled life day in and day out. And I have a good read on what my next steps need to be in order for me to continue living that kind of life. So while it hasn’t all been sunshine and babies, as Anahi would say, the trip has led me toward a life that’s extremely fulfilling, exciting, and challenging. It’s so different from the one I had anticipated for myself. But if you already know what your life is going to be like, why bother living it?

Anyway, I’m babbling. I will continue to blog, mostly because it’s fun, and because I apparently have more to say. More pics to follow, and in the meantime, I hope everyone is having a terrific holiday season and has done more shopping/card writing than I have. I am, as Crystina would say, the suck. But I am the suck who has given herself a pretty awesome gift. So as I sit here, I sigh with contentment and anticipation, thinking about everything I’ve done in the past 6 months and everything I have left to do. Life is pretty good.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Sharon is a lady. And I saw professional wrestling!

Lest there is any doubt in anyone's mind:

1. Sharon is a lady. Can anyone but a lady feed a giant dog raw turkey legs? I think not.

2. I trained with a black belt unicorn.

3. Marcel got his brown belt a week or so ago and is likely to hound me until I congratulate him publicly. Congratulations, Marcel! And nice scissor takedown! Too bad you spent the rest of your match in Greg's warm embrace. (In my defense, I did call Marcel and leave him a very nice congratulatory voicemail.)

Holy crap. Lots going on. This is another placeholder post. I'm still in DC. Fairfax, VA, to be exact. I'm waiting for Dave Jacobs' class to start. He is a black belt under the Yamasakis and actually claims me as a friend. Way to march to your own drummer, Dave! I will train with him, Joemoplata, and, I hope, Sam, who runs jiujitsugear.com.

So there will undoubtedly be much to report about that. I have also been having fun with some old, dear, "civilian" friends. And last night I went with Jennifer* to her office holiday party, which took place at the Verizon center: it was the WWE, and we got to watch from one of those executive suites. I have MUCH to report and many pictures to post (and am highly likely to watch the Kevin Federline-John Cena match on New Year's Day), but for now, here's what I posted to the forum, and below it, a picture or two:

"I just saw professional wrestling. WWE event. I kinda got a lot into it. It helped that I was in one of those executive suites with free food and drinks.

Featured:
1. Kevin Federline, who told John Cena, "I'm Kevin Federline, bitch!" and is going to fight him on New Year's night
2. a huge black man in huge white pajamas
3. Cryme Tyme
4. Chick fighting (Victoria vs. Mickie Somebody)
5. Ric Flair (Nature Boy---wooooooo!)
6. Photo op with Jimmy Hart, the Mouth from the South--I got my picture taken with him and some giant dude named Chris who used to wrestle but now wears a suit and talks about wrestling. He went to Harvard
7. 30 dudes in the ring at once; the Edge won it all, stealing it from the Heartbreak Kid
8. A George W. Bush impersonator, who said that Condoleeza Rice is "one fine [N-word]" (Cryme Tyme stole his wallet)
9. Carlito, a wrestler who has hair like Carlos Newton and whose thing seems to be that he spits apple in your face if you don't like him. He has t-shirts with angry apples pictured on them.
10. Free food and drinks."

Me and Jennifer*

Me and The Mouth from the South, Jimmy Hart

Me and Chris somebody (Nowitsky, we think. And yes, I got my picture with him only because he is sort of famous)

My ghost writer, Mimi

Monday, December 18, 2006

Should I joke about "jew jitsu" or not? Read on to learn about the quandary

Note: The pics are taking FOREVER to upload. So I've just posted a few (including yours, Jared--I got your back! Well, not really. Unless you give it to me, which is unlikely. But you know what I mean.) and will post the rest later.


First, HUGE congratulations to my teacher, teammate, and friend Pete the Greek, who was awarded his black belt by Carlson Jr this past weekend! Pete is a natural at BJJ, both in terms of doing it and in terms of teaching it. He has been nursing a neck injury lately, but is coming back strong. Pete, congratulations to you, and I’ll look forward to seeing the new belt on my next trip to Chicago!

Second, happy early anniversary to my parents! They get second billing after Pete because the day is actually tomorrow. I’m hoping/planning to post then too, but in case I don’t, have a great day! It’s 42 years of wedded bliss, I believe. Holy crap. I will get to celebrate with you in person on Thursday!

And third, a friend of mine just recently had a birthday. She is a private person, though, so I’ll just say happy belated birthday and she will know who she is! Unless she gives me the go-ahead to mention her name. Hope it was great, friend!

This morning I am being assisted in my typing by Mimi the pug. Mimi is my friend who lives with Jennifer*, my other friend. Jennifer* (whose middle name is Starr, hence the asterisk) pays the bills and buys the food, but Mimi runs the show. She is curled up on my lap with her head resting on my arm. She is snoring. Sometimes when she wakes up she sits with her paws on the keyboard, searching for le mot juste. I get to take her for a walk later. Right now, I am taking pains not to disturb her rest, even though I want breakfast, some more tea, and a trip to the euphemism, as Dr. Seuss would say.

Mimi would probably like Puggy very much. Puggy is one of Karen’s dogs, the one who pooped as I was bringing him up the stairs to her. Some poop got on my arm. Ruddy is Karen’s other dog. Ruddy did not poop on my arm, but has a styling sweater for when it’s cold outside (as does Puggy. As does Mimi, I believe.) Anyway, I have been hanging out with some cool dogs lately. It’s sort of making me want one of my own. That would probably require that I have a place to live. Here are Puggy and Ruddy:


Okay, so last time I wrote I was in Philly, getting ready for class with Jared and Sharon. BTW, here’s a picture of Rick, Anahi, me, and Sharon at Chinese food. Rick and Anahi come to this place a lot, so they did all the ordering. It (the ordering) was obviously at the black belt level. Duck, pork, dumplings, hot and sour soup, fried shrimp with some kind of cream sauce. Seven thumbs up. (BTW, people who do BJJ joke about how black belts can do things that other people can't, like turn water into wine and pancakes into waffles. For example, when Rick was driving yesterday, he made an illegal U-turn, and he, Anahi and I all agreed that it was a black belt move--and he is a black belt, so while I, as a purple belt, should get a ticket for doing something like that, he should not).

Sharon lives in a cute row house with their dog Flash. Jared asked me when we met whether his dog was nice to me; I told the truth: that Flash had tried to hump my leg without buying me dinner first. So it wasn’t a completely rocky start to Flash’s and my relationship, but there are some communication issues for us to work on. Sharon and Jared have Flash on the raw diet, which means for breakfast he scarfed down two raw turkey legs, bones and all, in about 3 minutes. It was pretty incredible to watch. Crap, I’m just realizing I didn’t get any pictures of Flash. I may have to ask Sharon to send me some. He is a sweet, enormous-headed love.

Anyway, Jared taught a couple of cool half-guard sweeps. Well, one sweep, and then if the opponent defends, a transition to a double-leg takedown. Since I’m being lazy about maintaining my training blog, I’ll write the details here: I have her right leg and left leg is on my right shoulder. I feed the gi lapel under the right leg, pass my left hand under the leg, and then grab the other lapel around/under the left leg. My left leg slides down the right leg to the calf. My right foot plants, I rock back and forth, and roll her to the right. If she underhooks my left arm, I grab the cuff of the right leg with my left hand, grab the gi belt around the back, and toss her to the left. She posts with her other foot, and I keep my grip on the cuff (let go of the grip on the belt), spin around to the right and do a double leg.

So I got to drill the sweeps with Sharon; I’ve mentioned before how few women train, and how much rarer still brown and black belt women are. The other night I actually had a conversation with Josh and Nate about this. Josh doesn’t think women should train. Of course I disagree, but wanted to hear him out. I guess most of the women he has encountered who train are doing it to meet guys. I agree that that’s not the best reason to train, but since I spent about 7 years training and never getting romantically involved with any BJJ guy, I must have a different reason for doing it. Nate said it’s because I want to dominate men, which is different from wanting to get dates. He said that’s the reason he does it too, but that we all should just be honest about it. (Nate is also an attorney who thrives on “debate,” which consists of repeating the same sentence to you over and over, louder and louder, until your head explodes or you kill him. I’ve seen both happen.)

Anyway, so while Sharon and I were drilling the sweeps, we plotted our world domination of men. So it was great to train with her because I’ve been looking for a partner to help me with that. She also happens to be extremely cool.

As does Jared. I got to train with him during the sparring session, and he laughed the entire time. I like to think he wasn’t laughing at me, but because he loves BJJ, which it’s clear he does. It’s like the time Aiazbek threw me like a sack of potatoes and I popped up with a big smile on my face. It’s just so fun for me, even if I’m on the receiving end of a terrific throw. Of the elite BJJ players, you can sometimes tell who is still passionate about this stuff after many years of working hard to get a black belt, and who has begun to just phone it in. Jared is definitely still passionate, and it’s fun to be around him because the passion is contagious.

Dan and I had a conversation about this. (Dan is a brown belt under the Migliarese brothers; I stayed at his and Rick’s place on Saturday night with Anahi and Dan’s girlfriend Karen, a white belt). His favorite fighter is Roleta, who hasn’t been on the scene recently. I guess he really did burn out. Dan showed me a Roleta interview where he explains how he just lost the fire to compete and was quoted as saying, “Jiu jitsu demands professional dedication and gives amateur returns.” And when you hear about people getting their black belts, their stories almost invariably include accounts of how they had no money, battled serious injuries, sacrificed relationships, friendships, etc. It can be harsh. I took a year off myself some time ago because I was burned out. And I thought I’d never come back. So I can see how people would become disillusioned.

But that’s why it’s great to surround yourself with people like Jared and Sharon, who know their shit and love to share it with others. (Not their actual shit, mind you.) I was happy that Jared and Sharon wanted to be featured on the blog; they have both been following it, and Jared said I’d probably be surprised at how many people are along for the ride. So if this blog inspires even one person to try BJJ or reminds somebody of how much s/he loves it, that would be cool.

Here are pictures of me with Jared and Sharon. What's my hair doing? Nobody will ever know.




I promised Jared I’d name this post “Two Days of Jew Jitsu” because he is Jewish and represents with twin Star of David tattoos on his shoulder blades. But then he promised that if I did, he’d start a thread on the forum accusing me of being racist. So while I write this, I’m in a quandary. If I don’t name the post what he asked me to, he’ll say it’s because he’s Jewish. If I DO name the post what he asked me to, he’ll say I’m an anti-Semite and make jokes in poor taste. It’s hard being the whitest person around besides Josh Griffiths.

After Jared’s class, Sharon and I stuck around for an open mat she had set up. Medora and Shavonne from the forum and a woman named Stephanie came by to train. I also got to spar with Sharon, and we discussed attacks and guard recomposition from the turtle position. Sharon has been working on rolling to the omoplata and kneebars from there, and now that I see the set-up, I’m gonna try it too, especially the omoplata! I like that. No pictures of the open mat because I forgot. I’m forgetful. What was I doing here?

Oh yeah. Blogging. Okay, so after the open mat (thanks, ladies! Thanks, Sharon!), I moved my stuff over to Rick and Dan’s to stay with them and Anahi and Karen for the evening. We hung out a bit before going to the Grace Tavern for some drinks and food, including spicy seasoned green beans that were served like fries. They were really good. Here are pics of us at the tavern.
Ken (brown belt under the Migliareses), Dan, Rick



Anahi, Karen, me. Anahi and Karen are growling like cougars, which in current pop culture means women who are significantly older than the men they date. Anahi and Karen are both in their mid-30s while Dan and Rick are both in their mid-20s. I am in my mid-30s and act like I am in my mid-20s.


Rick and me showing off our gentility; note the raised pinky fingers. Jeez. Why do I always look like death in pictures lately?



When we got back to the house, Dan (who had already gotten home with Karen) was snoring on the couch. We talked and laughed around him and he did not wake up. Karen and Anahi were soon down for the count too, so I listened and sort of contributed to Ken and Rick’s conversation about BJJ, though I can’t really remember much of it. Then I fell asleep in my clothes.

Then we went to brunch on Sunday at the Penrose Diner, me still in my same clothes. (All about class right here.) Sharon joined us, though Jared was at a Hanukah breakfast. Happy Hanukah, by the way!

I left Philly in the early afternoon, after saying good bye and thanks to everyone for the great time! Anahi, Sharon, Jared, Rick, Dan, Karen, and Ken, thank you for your hospitality and technique! And know that you are always welcome to visit me, as soon as I decide to stay in one place for longer than a couple days. Happy holidays!

Then it was on to DC. The drive wasn’t too long, and it brought back memories of when I lived there and would go home to NJ to visit my parents. Being here in DC, where I am now, is bringing back memories too. I arrived in the afternoon at Jennifer*’s place and shot the breeze with her for a bit before we met up with Noah, Chris, Natalie, and Chris & Natalie’s daughter for dinner at Spices (sushi place in Cleveland Park). All of us, besides the 5-year-old, of course, lived in DC right after we graduated from college, so we became adults together. I took a walk today and passed by two of the places I lived, both on Connecticut Ave in Woodley Park, and just remembered being 22 and 23.

Here we are now, at Spices: Jennifer*, Natalie, Chris, me, Noah

It was great to see Noah. (Of course it was great to see everyone else too!) He and I have been friends for about 14 years (met in DC right after college) and dated a couple years ago. It didn’t last, which made me really really sad. And this was the first time we had seen each other since the breakup, though we had talked on the phone and emailed since then. It was strangely normal, though. He has been following my blog a little, and told me that when he was watching the footage of my match against Emily, he got to say to one of his supervisees, “That woman with the Team Donuts patch across her ass is my ex-girlfriend.” It’s nice that my experiences—and my ass—touch so many lives.

So, Noah, I was a little wistful today that you and I didn’t work out. But it will pass, and I’m so happy that you seem to be happy. I’m getting there myself. Good luck with everything.

Today I’ve been collaborating with Mimi on this blog post, walking in the unseasonably warm weather (60s, at least), trying and failing to avoid getting parking tickets, and doing laundry. In a few hours I will meet up with Jennifer* at the Verizon arena for her office holiday party, which is a box at a World Wrestling Entertainment event. Jennifer’s fiancé Pat is in London right now, and the free alcohol and crudités ain’t gonna consume themselves, so I’m pinch hitting as Jen’s date. It should be a pretty hilarious thing, and of course I’m bringing the camera. Rumor has it some of the wrestlers will be paying a visit to our box. (Todd, eat your heart out.)

Okay, more laundry, more chilling with Mimi (who is asleep sitting up on my lap), more tea drinking. More on the WWE after the fact!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Some pics!

Here's a post chock full o' pics. I neglected to get pics with John Danaher and Fabio Clemente. Sometimes I forget to take pics, and sometimes it just seems weird to ask. But there are some good ones in here, like:

At Carlson's academy in Chicago, me and Daniel Wanderley, a black belt under a black belt named Gutenberg, who is himself a black belt under Carlson, Sr. Daniel is a former model. (Humana humana.)

At Hot Chocolate in Bucktown, a Chicago neighborhood, with Una, KC, and Brooke.

Colette, who gave me my Thug Life nickname, and me all tarted up in Colette's lipstick, at Messner's in Chicago

With Fat Tony and lots of hanging meat at Cafe Ba Ba Ree Ba in Chicago. This was the scene of dinner #1 (tapas, including dates wrapped in bacon. Try them. They are amazing.) on the night of 3 dinners.

With Gary, his wife Sue, and their two daughters for dinner #2 (pizza). I have no pictures of it, but dinner #3 was with Andy and Laura (spaghetti and soy chips. Andy doesn't cook much.)

With Jen, Todd, and Roy (Jen and Todd's baby-to-be; they haven't actually decided to name him that officially, but they needed something to call him. And he is a him.) in Pittsburgh.

With my college pal Lee at a pizza joint in NYC. Lee works for Fox News and had to keep taking calls and stuff.

With Josh Griffiths, a Fabio Clemente brown belt (he wasn't at class when I went), in NYC. Nate/Groundhog wanted this picture because he's planning to post a poll on the forum to determine which of the two of us is the whitest. If there were a poll to determine which of us looks most like warmed-over ass, I'd win hands down. (I had just trained twice that day and didn't shower before this pic was taken. Plus, I had gone head to head with Nate arguing about inanity, and lost tremendously. So I was TIRED. And Josh is dreamy, according to Nate.)

Josh's friend Anastasia, Josh, Nate, me

Friday, December 15, 2006

Heading to train in Philly

Can't believe I forgot to mention this, but after class at Renzo's while I was chatting with Andrius, Matt and Nick Serra walked in. Matt is a mixed martial artist who also happens to be the first US citizen to ever receive his BJJ black belt. He got it from Renzo. So that was fun, to just sit against the wall and watch him work with John. That kind of stuff seems to happen frequently; you go into different academies and see the grappling glitterati working on the same things you are. They just happen to be much better at it.

I'm in Philly now, hanging out at Sharon's place with Sharon and her cute American bulldog Flash. He has an enormous face. I will take pics and post them, along with all the other pics I have been promising. Probably once I get to FL I will have time. Last night we hung out with Anahi and her boyfriend Rick Macauley, who is a black belt under the Migliarese brothers here in Philly. Rick was the runner up at the Abu Dhabi trials I competed at; he was amazing to watch, both on the mat and as he got his weight back up after the weigh-ins. He had a huge container of multi-grain pasta that he just kept eating from. I learned a lot about how to put on weight from that guy.

It's fun to be in Philly. I grew up about 45 minutes away and still remember the first time I came here for a concert. So it feels like home. And Philly is one of those underrated cities; it has lots of fun stuff to do, but it gets eclipsed by NYC and DC. Poor Philly.

Last night we went for Chinese and then I fell asleep in the car on the way back to Sharon's (I wasn't driving). Today we're going to train with Jared Weiner, Sharon's boyfriend and a black belt himself. Then in the afternoon we'll do an open mat with some of the women who train in this area. Should be fun!

Oh, and I have been corresponding with Pedro Schmall, a black belt in Brazil who found my blog. It's so cool how many people I have met while taking this trip, both in real life and online. Pedro is going to Thailand for 6 months to train and teach there, and I look forward to following his adventures. Pedro, are you going to keep a blog yourself?

Anyway, life continues at a kind of hectic pace. The trip is always packed with stuff to do, and now that I'm pushing to get home for the holidays, there's an added layer of urgency. I have already warned my family that I have done absolutely nothing by way of presents for them, and I'm really hoping they don't get me anything!

Okay, better check my laundry, call Anahi, and get ready for class! More later, with pictures. I promise.

On to Philly

Ugh. I feel like things are so busy. Good busy, but it makes it more difficult to be present in the moment b/c I'm constantly thinking about the next thing I need to do. I just wanted to say to my readers that I'm still grateful for the comments and for you coming along on the ride, and I will resume commenting on your comments ASAP. Meantime, know that they are appreciated.

And a special good luck to Kevin, my pre-calculus pal from New Breed, who is competing on Sunday! Give 'em hell, Kevin! (Or should I say heck? You are a minor, after all. Anyway, good luck and let me know how it goes!)

Yesterday I trained at Renzo Gracie's (John Danaher taught) and StudioX (Fabio Clemente taught). So I'm a little weary today, though it was great. I had met Renzo before, though I'm sure he wouldn't remember me, and Kon from the forum and Andrius, who used to train with me in Chicago, were both there. So we had lots of fun. John Danaher is pretty freaking amazing.

At StudioX, I missed Marcelo Garcia by one day (he left for Brazil on Wed), which was too bad, because the guy is ridiculously good. But Clemente is no slouch either, and his students were friendly.

Afterward I met up with Lee, a friend from college, and also Nate (Groundhog) from the forum. He brought along Josh Griffiths, a tough brown belt under Clemente, and Josh's friend Anastasia. So we had pizza, arguments, and a little bit of a technique session. Pics to follow; I promise!

In about 10 minutes I hop in the car and head to Philly to meet up with Anahi and Sharon. More training tonight and tomorrow, and with a critical mass of women! Hooray.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Lots of driving!

Oy vey. The days are flying. I didn't even get to blog about my 3-dinner night, a banner one if I do say so myself. First one was with Fat Tony. Then Gary and Sue. Then Andy and Laura. I didn't actually eat dinner at every dinner, but it was nice to have the option.

Then was the tourney over the weekend, which I actually posted pictures about.

Then I returned to Chicago on Monday for one last day and left on Tues. I drove 400 miles to Pittsburgh and stayed with my friends Jen and Todd, who are expecting their first child, a boy. Todd's a big UFC fan, so my gift to them of a Future Fighter onesie went over well. I also trained at Steel City Martial Arts under Sonny Achille, a Pedro Sauer brown belt. Really nice techniques.

Then yesterday it was on to Brooklyn, another 350 miles or so, where I'm staying with Jen, the friend I stayed with before the Abu Dhabi trials. I spent the evening catching up on email and things and still didn't get a chance to blog. And still haven't had a chance to post all my pics. Maybe tonight.

Right now I'm getting ready to head into Manhattan so I can train at Renzo Gracie's academy and then later in the day at StudioX, where Fabio Clemente and Marcelo Garcia teach. For those of you who don't know, the people I just mentioned are a veritable who's who of Brazilian jiu jitsu practitioners, competitors, and teachers. So I'm excited and nervous. More later!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Footage of one of my fights from Saturday tourney

This is my fight against Emily Kwok. I won by advantage, which means I put her in a potentially dangerous position but didn't finish. You'll see after a couple boring minutes of us on the feet that I spent the last part of the fight trying to free my foot. If I had, I would have had what's called the mount and would have succeeded in doing what's called passing the guard. Next time!

And btw, Emily is AWESOME! I got to hang out with her after the tournament, and she is a lot of fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8tA8FFrCpE

Tourney pics!

I'm posting these in a hurry so people from the forum can see them. More explanation later. Suffice it to say that the East Coast Grappling Championships was an amazingly fun and well-run event, and I want more of it in the future!

In no particular order:

T3, DAB (aka the Angry Exploding Troll, aka The People's Knee, aka Rock, aka David Jacobs, Esq.), and Letmbleed.


The John-Father (who looks strikingly like Tim Roth) and Valhalla


Joemoplata grinding the Bad Ass Coffee (That sounds a little dirty.)

Super Sam and a bemused, victorious Salvatore (something was going on off screen)

Valhalla's brush with brown belt greatness (why is my head so enormous?)

Supervixen, aka Bracketing McSoftwaregenius

Brain and Burdo considering a fashion risk

Valhalla with, as it appears on his birth certificate, Tatame--I'm back, bitches!

MC Moses (you've probably heard of him b/c he's known throughout the microphone), Andrew/Goatfury's hands in front of his face, and the back of Marissa Talley's head. Not the best pic, but the only one I had of Mike.

Two of the tourney masterminds, Clinzy and Goatfury (speaking of hugemongous noggins)

The Bleeds (Letm and Letr)

Valhalla and Christine Vaz (did I ever take off that jacket? Apparently not. Probably not even while competing.)

Shavonne and Valhalla. Rivals on the mat, friends off, or something.


Valhalla and Opala make a DAB sandwich. (DAB sandwiches always have extra cheese built in.)


At Goat's school after putting the mats back down yesterday (a sophisticated process that involves lying down a lot, shooting the breeze, dragging things, counting things, and jumping up and down on things): Back row is Goat, Justin, Brain, Gumby, Mike, and Mike's beer. Ladies in the middle: Amanda and Clinzy. Bringing up the bottom and pointing at something best ignored, Mikebyrd.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Week in review

Check my previous post for pics of last Saturday night at Uncommon Ground. It was great to see everyone who showed up and to hang out at one of my favorite places in Chicago. I like Uncommon Ground because it is versatile: you can dress up or down, have coffee or a beer, brunch or dinner, and linger or get in and get out. The service is definitely more on the leisurely side, so nobody rushes you, which is good. Live music every night, too.

One of the things Uncommon Ground is known for is its giant bowl of hot chocolate. You can take it straight or lace it with crème de menthe or whatever that almond liqueur is whose name escapes me right now. Sambuca? Oh, amaretto. And probably sambuca too. Anyway, I didn’t have one, but especially with the cold weather it wouldn’t have been a bad idea.

I also remember Uncommon Ground as one of the places I would go to kill time after I had gone part time at my job but before I really knew what to do with myself. It may sound strange, but I had to learn how to enjoy my free time. I went part time in February of 2005, so almost 2 years ago. And I spent the better part of a year getting to the point where waking up on a free day filled me with contentment or happy anticipation rather than dread.

That may be why so many people “fail retirement,” as my father would say. You spend so much time feeling obligated to be in certain places (work, most notably) and doing certain things that when you are left to your own devices you are at a loss as to how to spend your time. I had to get in touch with what I WANTED to be doing rather than what I thought I should be doing. Of course, now I really have the hang of this leisure thing, and the though of going back to my old job is simply an affront to my sensibilities. I will need to make a living again, of course, but it will be on my terms from now on.

But I digress (as usual). Uncommon Ground was fun and then later in the evening Eshanthika and Paul went with me to crash a bachelor party, unbeknownst to me. I thought it was just a regular Saturday night thing. Mark, the instructor at the New Breed here in Evanston, is getting married and has a baby on the way—congrats to him and his fiancée! Johnny and Vince had come to town for a different wedding so they were at the bachelor thing, as were Moike, Kuan, my loyal reader Chuong, Yeshua (another gifted BJJer), and others. Some of them had been texting and calling me to go over there, so I did.

When we arrived everyone was in the process of getting kicked out of the Korean karaoke bar on California and Granville. It might have been the horrible singing or it might have been the generally harmless rowdiness. Or it might have been closing time. I had never been to a place like that before. I assumed we were going to be at a bar that had a karaoke setup, but this place had private rooms to rent, so you only had to wait for your drunken friend to finish singing Living on a Prayer so you could sing Bye Bye Bye, rather than having to get in line behind the entire bar.

Lost of people ended up, um, overserving themselves, so I guess half the plans for the night fell through as people staggered home. It was no skin off my nose because part of the plan was for strippers and I wasn’t hungry.* So Cyril and Jaime dropped me back at Andy’s. Thanks, Cyril and Jaime!

The next day, Sunday, I’d just as soon forget. Through a series of miscommunications, I ended up by myself pretty much all day rather than hanging out with various people like I was supposed to. so it kind of sucked and I was kind of gloomy all day. The gloomy feeling lasted into Monday. I did get to have lunch with Natasha, which is always great. We went to Third Coast, another of my favorite restaurants in Chicago. Very similar to Uncommon Ground in terms of pace, offerings, atmosphere. Plus, it’s open all night. Natasha and I and our friends Patricia and Ayano used to go there for dinner after class sometimes.

That night was class with Natasha. Daniel taught us an armbar setup from the guard, when the opponent is defending. So you go for the arm bar and when the opponent defends, you switch your hips, drop your foot on the opponent’s neck, and attack the other arm.

Here is where some pics will go when I post them:

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Then it was my Thug Life lunch with Colette. (Did I write about being happy I don’t work in my old office any more?) Ran into a few people from the old days while waiting for her in the lobby. I vaguely wondered what they must be thinking, but I don’t seem to REALLY care. That is progress. Right after I went part time and then quit I was so hungry for approval because I wasn’t entirely sure what I had done or was going to do next (remember all that time-killing at Uncommon Ground?). but now, to paraphrase my grad school friend Andrew (who said the last time we talked that he laughed out loud when he got the email I sent to friends and family back in June announcing my trip), I have developed significantly more comfort with the discomfort of not knowing what I’m doing with myself beyond the step I’m taking, and maybe the very next one, if I’m transitioning.

This increased comfort has come in handy when I get together with my friends, because they all have questions about where, when, and what. I tell them to join the club. It’s never malicious—always curious and excited for me—but sometimes it does give me pause about what the hell I’m doing. So then I remember to enjoy the discomfort and it subsides.

In the evening I went to Bucktown, one of the hipper, more newly gentrified neighborhoods of Chicago, to meet up with Una, KC, and Brooke at Hot Chocolate, a relatively new place that has yummy food in addition to amazing desserts, as its name implies. Viktorija was supposed to come to—she had actually made the reservation after she and I made the executive decision about where to go—but she got sick. This sucked, and I hope she is feeling much better! But the rest of us had a ball; this is a group of incredibly intelligent, accomplished women, and they have all been so supportive of me and my trip even though my choices lately are probably pretty different from theirs at first blush. (E.g., none of them has had the time to see a movie lately, let alone nap all day on a dojo couch.)

So I spent some time telling them I’m probably going to land in LA, but that I’m not entirely sure yet because I’m still saying goodbye to Chicago. It’s the whole deal where I know my current step and won’t get a hit on the next one until I need it.

And it wouldn’t be a true Val post if I didn’t describe the food: hot mulled wine warm enough to make me want to get in the cup, grilled cheddar and apples on thick bread, chocolate volcano torte, and melt in your mouth donuts dipped in chocolate sauce. Whoa.

Here is where a pic of the brilliant Dames Who Dine, with the exception of Viktorija, will go when I post it:

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The sixth dame, Sarah, moved to Connecticut with her husband some time ago. I always miss her at these things and was happy to hear that they are settling into a new home and are awaiting their second child. Congrats to Sarah, Alex, their 2-year-old daughter, and their awesome dog-sibling Peabody!

So then comes Wednesday. I hit snooze several times, vaguely feeling bad for Andy, whom I could hear moving around as he got ready for wok. I will make a living again someday. Even some day soon, conceivably. But I’ll prefer that that living not require me to get up much before 9.

Wednesday morning I threw in some laundry (as I mentioned, I’m woefully underprepared for cold weather, so I wear the same 2 pairs of socks over and over. I’m just gonna be getting to Florida soon, so I see winter as a temporary inconvenience, kind of like sleeping on the couch—or in my case, the car—when you have guests) and then went north to visit Katherine. She and I went to college together and now she, her husband Greg, and their 3 kids live in a cute little suburb of Chicago. I didn’t get to see Greg (work) or the 5-year-old (school), but the 3-year-old and the 1.5-year-old were there in full force and completely adorable. We had sandwiches and pudding for lunch, and I suddenly wanted to go to kindergarten.

Katherine has had some health issues lately. They are under control and she is handling them with her usual grace and good humor, but I’m sure it has taken its toll, and it was good to see that she is doing well. She acted happy to see me when I arrived even though I woke her up from a nap.

One member of the family who was conspicuously absent was Cuyler, the beautiful border collie. She succumbed to cancer this past summer, right before I left on my trip. Rest in peace, doggie.

When I post them, here will be pics of me and Katherine in front of the as-yet undecorated Christmas tree. I say this knowing full well that the fact that they even have a tree—and a home to put it in—puts them light years ahead of me. Have I mentioned that I’m really ready to land somewhere, get a home of my own, build a more place-bound life? I’m starting to feel envious of people who have that, but I’m working toward it in my own way, and it will come to me soon after the new year, I predict/intend. Meanwhile, I can just impose on my friends who have nice homes!

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So thanks to Katherine and her kids for a great visit!

In the afternoon, it was on to the Loop (Chicago business district) to meet up with Colette again, this time for drinks. I met her at the office again because I wanted to do the afternoon commute with her to make sure it still sucks. It does. So that’s more reason for me not to get a 9-5 job again. Trader Joe’s, here I come!

Colette and I went to Messner’s, a bar on Southport just north of Belmont near where she lives. Tactical error #1 was sitting near the door, from which blasts of icy air emanated every time someone came inside. Holy crap.

Tactical error #2 was ordering “something small” to eat, the tater tots, when I know that bar food only comes in the large size. They sounded so innocuous, but they were daunting. It looked like the waiter had emptied an entire Ore-Ida bag of them onto the plate. I knew I was going to be eating a proper dinner later, so it would have been smarter to hold off. We had about ¾ of a bag left on the plate when we were done.

Tactical error #3 was trying Colette’s lipstick. It looks cute on her but kind of out of place on me, as you will be able to see from this pic:

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Despite all the snafus, though, we managed to have a fun time. Colette is a keeper, and this gangsta thug is a big fan!

Then it was on to Cornelia’s Roosterant (they are less common in Chicago than restaurants, but still delicious. Not sure why they’re called that. And yes, I’m being facetious.) to meet up with Todd. Todd and I dated briefly in the spring/summer of 2005, lost touch for about a year, and then reconnected right before I left on my trip. And he’s become one of my loyal readers (hi Todd!). I didn’t remember to get a picture of us, unfortunately. Next time around.

So we talked about choices and how to life a happy life. Todd knew me when I was big into tarot cards and reiki and other woo-woo stuff. I always appreciated him being open-minded enough to talk about that stuff with me respectfully even though it wasn’t his cup of tea. I haven’t been reading cards or doing reiki lately because I don’t make the time for it. But I still love that stuff and am probably more woo-woo than ever before. I can’t otherwise explain how I basically have no concrete plans past December 29 but feel an unshakeable conviction that I’ll be compelled to do just what I’m supposed to before I reach the end of the tether.

Food: two salads for me. Spinach, parmesan, dried cranberries, I think, and hearts of palm, bleu cheese, and some kind of bulgur mixture. Glass of pino gris and peanut butter cake for dessert.

So anyway, it’s sad that Todd and I didn’t work out as a couple, but nice that we can still get together. Good luck with the plans you have, Todd, and I’ll talk to you online!

Thurs was another cold as crap day. Between Viktorija’s job responsibilities (she works from home, which is nice for her because she and her husband Michael have a lovely one, but that doesn’t stop her from always having craploads to do) and my mission to see as many friends as possible, we managed to squeeze in a half hour for tea and a chat. I had really wanted to see her but she couldn’t make dinner on Tues because she was sick so I’m glad this worked out.

As with Todd, I forgot to take a pic, but here will be one of her, Brooke, and KC shortly before I left on my trip:

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Then it was on to lunch with Natasha, where we laughed our heads off as usual and I began the wigging out process for the competition in Virginia.

In the no-gi class Jay taught after that, we worked on recomposing the guard and rolling for a leglock from the turtle position. I’m finally starting to be able to do both, and it’s pretty sweet.

And Thursday evening will go down in history as the night of three dinners. I will write about that later.

*For those of you who don’t know, when I was in Vancouver my friend Brandon took me to a strip club. I had just finished training and ordered a huge hamburger, and its deliciousness is basically all I remember of the experience. Naked women, titillating music, blah blah blah; this burger is absolutely fantastic!

Placeholder pics

I have LOTS to write about, including the tournament I just participated in in Richmond, VA. In addition to taking first place in gi and no gi divisions, I helped with registration and bracket running, chatted my head off with dozens of cool people, and generally just had a ball.

I'm going to get on an airplane in about 7 hours, at which time I'll write and catch up with the week. Meantime, here are some pics from last Saturday, December 2, when I met up with some people at Uncommon Ground, one of my favorite restaurants/bars in Chicago.

Here are my pals Eshanthika and Paul. They are technically civilians, but they both love the UFC and call me from the road periodically to find out what I'm learning at different academies. Eshanthika texted me after Rich Franklin lost to Anderson Silva, completely distraught. I comforted her as well as I could, but he did look terrible (broken nose, among other things. Silva ate him for lunch.)

Laura and Christo. Laura is a friend I got to keep even after she and my friend Tim broke up (you may remember Tim from my trip to NYC). She is babysitting my bed while I'm on walkabout. Christo went to high school with my college friend Julie. He is high-larious and very knowledgeable about all things pop culturey.


Andy, James, Laurie, and Danielle. You may remember Andy and Laurie from our adventures with booze, sandwiches, and polite conversation. James is Christo's brother and the only person I know who knows more about pop culture than Christo. And Danielle is Laurie's pal and an aspiring actress. She was in a commercial recently. She was the woman who used the crappy shampoo rather than the stuff that was being hawked. Poor Danielle!