Attn: Chuong

I'm gonna take Kuan's noon class tomorrow (Thurs) at New Breed. When are you available? I don't know how to get in touch with you, so email me (val@valerieworthington.com) if you get a chance!

If this is Tuesday, it must be Bettendorf

Sunday was a good day. First of all: cell phone charger for the car, where have you been all my life? My cell phone doesn’t hold a charge well, so I can make about 1 45 minute call before the little battery icon starts blinking and telling me I’m out of juice. You’d think I would have figured out earlier in the trip that I could get a car charger, but apparently I didn’t, because on Sunday morning Adamarie and I went to Best Buy, and that was truly a good buy. Maybe even the best.
So I spent all day yesterday and today in the car yakking up a storm while driving about 18 hours from Albuquerque to Denver to York, NE, to Bettendorf, IA. My parents are happier too, because now I won’t ever need the phone and not be able to use it. They may not be happy that I’m talking while driving, but they never need to know. Don’t tell them.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. The rest of Sunday was a good day too. Adamarie had to work at Trader Joe’s at 2, and I met up with Abdullah, Faviola, and Thomas at the judo club at 1. We did some judo drills and then I worked with Faviola on some high guard moves—how to pass the high guard and how to use it herself, climbing her legs up the opponent’s back to set up an arm bar. As I mentioned, she is a wrestler, so her takedowns are good. So we also worked on a finishing hold she can do from the takedown, where she shoots in for a single leg (which is just what it sounds like: grab one leg and use it to put the opponent on his/her butt or back) and from there she can try to stay standing and apply a straight footlock.

I also sparred a little more with Abdullah. He helped me drill the D’Arce choke I learned from Sonny Nohara at Cobra Kai, the one that starts out with me in side control. We went over some possible counters to it and ways that using the move would make me (or anyone who tries it) vulnerable—am I leaving my arms open for an armbar? Am I likely to get mounted? Etc. The likelihood of all those things diminishes as you practice, so I’m glad I got a chance to rep the technique.

Abdullah is sneaky or lucky. I can’t decide which. He had been pushing for us to go to a churrascaria after training, but none of the rest of us was hungry enough. (And I’m trying to cut weight, especially after Abdullah told me that you weigh less in higher altitudes. Crap. I should have known that huge weight loss was too good to be true.) Have I described the churrascaria experience? I think I have. Actually, I know I have, in the glossary of BJJ terms on my main page (http://www.valerieworthington.com/7.html). It’s Brazilian BBQ, all you can eat of huge cuts of meat that servers bring to your table, an enormous salad bar, and cheese puffs and rolls that are palate cleansers or something. Something delicious, that is. Anyway, none of us was hungry enough for churrascaria after we were done training, so Abdullah suggested Thai food. Okay, I figured I could get soup. Well, the Thai place was closed, so when we asked what else was around, he said, “Well, the churrascaria is right around the corner.” That punk.

So, yeah, I ate about 2 pounds of delicious, delicious meat, and probably 6 or 7 cheese puffs and 4 fried bananas. I managed to avoid the salad bar completely—why gunk up your system with all those vegetables? And we had dessert too. Oy vey.

Here’s a picture of Abdullah, me, Thomas, and Faviola at our tiny churrascaria table. You can see the remnants of the meal, as well as the wooden cylinder with the red on the top and the green on the bottom. Red on the top means we were done eating. Abdullah looks pensive and wise. I look sweaty and full. Thomas and Faviola look cute and young.

Oh, and here are some pics from Adamarie’s and my trip to Jemez Springs. I don’t really know what anything is, but the scenery is just gorgeous. In one, you can see me in my new Ouano Sherpa jacket. The black one is a limited edition; I think only John, Sean, Johnny, Darren, and I have one. (I rule!) I also have a brown one. They are the coziest things ever.

Crap; I'm just realizing I never took any pictures with me and Adamarie. I'll get her next time!

So anyway, I had a blast with Abdullah, Faviola, and Thomas, and have tentative plans to get together to train with Abdullah again before he goes to China in the spring (for school). Thanks to all of them for such a great time! Abdullah, if you’re reading this, I like all kinds of cheesecake. All kinds of desserts, really. Just in case you’re in a baking mood again when we get together next.

Monday morning I had to say goodbye to Adamarie. She worked early in the morning, so I got on the road toward Denver when she left. It was a gorgeous day, and while I was sad to leave, I was also excited to start driving. I can say that because Adamarie gets it. She loves road trips more than I do. So thanks to Adamarie for a terrific Thanksgiving and a great weekend. And for friendship.

The drive was about 350 miles and went quickly. I alternated between listening to The Waifs (Australian country-sounding band that was perfect for the mountain scenery) and talking on the phone—with confidence that I would never run out of battery power! Felicia entertained me for maybe 70 miles with stories of her experiences teaching kettlebells (check her out in all her coolness at http://www.feliciaoh.com/). We also talked about how Alicia (check HER coolness out too, at http://www.aliciaphotos.com) posted a picture on the forum of Crystina trying (and eventually succeeding) to take my back at the On the Mat tournament, where my rash guard is riding up so you can see my stomach. I suggested that the caption for that picture should be, “This here is how we grapple in Dogpatch.” And I should be missing a tooth. And saying, “I reckon.”

The original plan had been for me to hit Denver mid-afternoon so I could spend some time with Lacey (my human friend) and Tallulah (my standard poodle friend) before going to Colorado BJJ to train. But the weather forecast was kind of iffy (snow expected in Denver today and tomorrow), so I decided to just spend some time with them and then get on the road again. (Don’t tell my parents that I drove at night.) I had a rude awakening when we went to the dog park. No, it wasn’t Munch, the dachshund whom some of you might remember seemed to like my arms and legs a little too much. It was the cold! I, in my infinite wisdom, have until yesterday been continuing to wear flip flops, even though it got down into the 40s at night in Albuquerque. I just couldn’t make myself resort to the closed-toed shoes.

And then we went to Chatfield and I almost lost my toes to frostbite. Not really, but they were good and cold. So I reluctantly dug out my hiking boots and put them on. Today it’s been warmer so I’m back to my predictable foolishness. It’s supposed to be really chilly in Chicago when I get there tomorrow and later in the week, so I’m just enjoying the fresh air on my feet while I can. I used to tease my parents for complaining about the cold when they’d come up from Florida to visit during the fall or winter. Now I feel their pain and take it all back.

So my visit with Lacey and Tallulah was short but sweet. They sent me off with a 12-pack of cans of La Croix, the flavored seltzer water I like. It was so sweet of them to remember from July. I had also bought 2 12-packs of 1-quart bottles of the stuff at Trader Joe’s. So if I can’t manage to stay hydrated in the next week or so, it’s because I am an idiot or have lost the ability to absorb water.

I drove about 500 miles last night from Denver to York, NE. I liked the motel I found; the lady behind the counter was very nice and there were cookies. This time Wen and Jimmy kept me company for a little while each, and other than that I listened to a lot of classic rock. They seem to like that in the heartland. I saw more than a few tumbleweeds (my notes for this part of the blog say, “Tumbleweeds. More tumbleweeds. Dang, I just ran over a tumbleweed.” It’s a great word, too, by the way.). I also saw at least a few cars in the ditches by the side of the road; it got a little slick there after a while. Again, don’t tell my mom and dad about that, especially because I’m fine and did not end up in a ditch.

I ended up in Iowa. I woke up this morning and drove another 400 miles or so to Bettendorf, IA, accompanied by Jennifer*, Jimmy, Viktorija, Joe, Colette, Ouano and Sean, Andy, and Mozart. Good thing I got that phone charger! (Though I didn’t need it for Mozart.) Jennifer* is planning her wedding to Pat. Jimmy was getting his passport updated. Viktorija and her husband Michael are working way too hard, but they are going to make time to see me while I’m in Chicago. Joe just got his brown belt and is going to open a Bad Ass Coffee franchise in northern Virginia (http://www.novabadasscoffee.com/). Colette is busting my chops at any opportunity, which means I should expect attitude on Sunday when I see her. Ouano and Sean were at lunch and thought of me. Andy is my host for the week. I pity him and envy myself.

Poor Bettendorf. It seems to be the city of the Quad Cities that nobody can remember. At least, in my unscientific sample of me and Vik, that is the only logical conclusion that can be drawn. Everybody (Vik and I) remembers Moline, Rock Island, and Davenport, the other 3 cities in Illinois and Iowa that are situated very close to one another and sandwich the Mississippi River between them. But everybody (Vik and I) draws a blank when it comes to Bettendorf.

It’s a very cute little town, though, complete with its own riverboat casino, the Isle of Capri. That’s where I am right now, along with several busloads of “cottontops,” which is my brother-in-law’s word for retirees. The casino is very modern looking and nice; unfortunately, my hotel room smells like body odor and desperation. Seriously. I hope those smells come out of my belongings and my nose. There are lots of weird smells around here. The hand lotion smells like wood chips. The lobby smelled like pizza and cigarettes, which is a jarring combination. And then there’s the BO in my room. I have a slight headache and I’m wondering if that’s why. It’s like the worst “smelly gi guy” imaginable (the guy who trains in his gi, throws it in the trunk or back seat of his car for a couple days, and then puts it back on to train, thinking you won’t notice the overpowering smell) has rubbed himself all over the walls.

But the town and the casino are very cute. Here are some pictures of the view from my window, including a shot of the Mississippi River. It's much prettier than the picture shows; my angle was weird and I was taking the picture through the window. Plus, it was much prettier when it was sunny.

I meant to check out the casino itself tonight, but as of 2am, I am too tired, which brings me to why I’m here, hanging out in the forgotten Quad City, in a stinky room, eating Sun Chips. I am here because I wanted to train with Pat Miletich, founder of Miletich Fighting Systems. MFS is kind of a mixed martial artist factory, serving as the home gym for people like Matt Hughes, Tim Sylvia, Spencer Fisher, Jens Pulver, and Sam Hoger. These names will not mean anything to my civilian readers, but my readers who train will recognize them. All of them are Ultimate Fighting Championship veterans and world-class mixed martial artists. And they train here in Bettendorf, in the same building as a chiropractor. (That’s probably what’s called “one-stop shopping.”)

Pat himself is the head of a team called the Silverbacks in the International Fighting League, a consortium of fighters from different camps that get together periodically to fight MMA. He recently lost his match against Renzo Gracie via guillotine, but that doesn’t detract from his badassness in the slightest. His instruction incorporates quite a bit of wrestling, like the kind you’d see in colleges. (Iowa seems to grow high-caliber wrestlers—Dan Gable and Cael Sanderson come to mind. I could have stopped at the International Wrestling Camp and Museum near Newton, IA, though I didn’t make the time to.) For instance, at the beginner class tonight, we worked takedowns (hooray!), and at the end of the advanced class we sprawled and sprawled and sprawled some more. I reinjured my right hip flexor sprawling on it, so the rest of the time I sprawled on my left one. Damn.

I had introduced myself to Pat before the beginner class, and he was extremely friendly. He also must have mentioned to Sam what I had told him about my jiu jitsu lineage, because Sam made a beeline for me and said, “Hey, we both have rank under Carlson, Sr.!” And he was excited to hear that my rank is under Carlson himself, as opposed to one of his black belts. So we chatted for a little bit before the takedowns started. I worked with a cool guy named Keith who was about my size. The interesting thing about this class is that since it is geared toward MMA, it accounts for the fact that you’ll be fighting in a cage or an octagon, someplace with walls or a fence. This is different from a straight grappling competition, which is on an open mat. So, among other things, we ran the pipe (wrestling takedown that I’ve been working on in Johnny’s classes—thank you, Mr. Ramirez!), but we used the wall to execute, which is different from what I’ve done before.

During the open mat that followed, Sam grabbed me and we sparred. He’s a lot bigger than I am, as you’ll be able to see from the picture, but he let me play, and we had fun. He was all excited that I knew stuff and kept saying, “You are definitely a Carlson Gracie student!” And that seemed to open the floodgates, because after that, I had a dance partner for every sparring session. I was happy with the way I sparred, because even though I still keep getting turtled, I’m starting to work from there. For instance, I recomposed the guard a couple times, and also went for a couple knee bars. So I’m getting better at seeing what’s available to me and going for it.

In the advanced class that followed, I got to work with AJ, who is a full-time MMA fighter and also happens to be Jens Pulver’s fiancée. She and I are about the same size, and it was a lot of fun to spar with her! She’s incredibly tough and had me on the run. She also made sure I had enough people to spar with throughout the class, which was basically an open mat with those sprawls at the end. After the class we talked for a long time about her upcoming fight in Korea, people we both know and people she might want to work with (she wants to spend some time in LA, and since I just came from there, well, we had a lot to talk about), and what we both need to work on technique wise. It was awesome! I will definitely watch for her.

Here’s a picture of Sam, me, AJ, and Pat. Jens and Spencer were training tonight too, but I didn’t get their picture. As you can see, we've all just come in from the rain. No, of course that's sweat. We trained our asses off. And add to the great workout the fact that everybody at MFS was terrific. So if you get the chance to go, you must!


After class I talked to Felicia some more. Kei is getting ready for an MMA event on Saturday at Soboba Casino, the same place I went with Johnny and Sean to watch Charlie’s fight. She’s helping him out. I mean REALLY helping him out. At last count, she had drained maybe 7 or 8 vials of fluid from his ears, which are getting the cauliflower. Now that’s friendship.

Okay, I’m pooped. Running on relatively little sleep and trained a lot tonight. I do have some insights about why I had to leave LA, but will share them later. Right now I will sleep and in the morning I’ll head to Chicago! Hooray! I’m actually kind of surprised at how excited I am, given how eagerly I left 5 months ago. Well, that’s sort of part of why I think I needed to leave: to make my peace with Chicago. I really believe that once I say a proper goodbye to the Windy City, I will hit on where I’m supposed to live next. We’ll see if I’m right.

Friends don't let friends drink and blog

I'm half in the bag after a long day of training at an open mat at Alberto Crane's school with Abdullah and others; poking around Jemez Springs, a gorgeous village set in red rock mesas about 90 minutes from Albuquerque; drinking some wine; and still not being entirely used to the 6000 ft altitude. So on the one hand, I probably shouldn't be blogging. But on the other hand, this could be the best time ever to be blogging. No filter, you see.

However, my visit here has been pretty low key and lots of fun, but there hasn't been any scandal that I can recall that would require a filter. Of course, I'm half in the bag, so my memory is suspect. But even in Vegas I couldn't manage to get any controversy to follow me, so in a smaller, saner town like ABQ, I'm probably in good shape. So unless watching a bunch of movies, learning some judo moves and training today are scandalous, this is likely to be a boring post. (I know, that's some good foreshadowing, eh?)

Forgot to mention that when I woke up here in ABQ on Thanksgiving Day, I weighed in at 139.5. Unbelievable, seeing as how I had been 144 before I left LA. And Adamarie says her scale is accurate. I need to be below 140 for the tournament I'm competing in in Joliet, IL, next Saturday. So of course I have used the fact that I'm on weight as an excuse to eat entire turkey drumsticks, brownies galore, and whipped cream from the can, sometimes on things like pumpkin pie, and sometimes in a bowl by itself. (No, I haven't weighed myself since Thursday morning.)

But I am getting some good exercise. Abdullah and I met up yesterday at the judo club of one Jesse Ballou, an elderly, small, Creole gentleman who could, undoubtedly, toss me around like a beanbag should I give him any reason to. Abdullah's a brown belt in judo and trains with Sensei Ballou when he's in ABQ (normally he lives in Las Cruces, about 3 hours south), and yesterday we focused on judo throws, at which I suck major donkey butt. I asked to borrow a white belt for the session over Mr. Ballou's protests, because I would be embarrassed to be mistaken for a judo purple belt (if there even is such a thing) even for a second, because as soon as I started to move, the cat was out of the bag. It'd be like a tone deaf person claiming to be an opera singer and then getting on stage to perform the lead from Carmen. Outrageous, yes, but even more painful.

But anyway, we practiced some throws, with Mr. Ballou smiling kindly the whole time and patiently telling me about 30 times to stop putting all my weight on my heels. Then we did a little jiu jitsu sparring, which I'm much more comfortable with. Abdullah cursed my Cindy-like guard, which I took as the compliment it was meant as. I also fogged down the Oreo cheesecake he brought me. Today he and I had planned to meet at the open mat at Alberto Crane's academy. Adamarie wanted to see what all the fuss was about so she came with me and I sparred with a purple belt named Don for about 45 minutes. Alberto himself wasn't there, so I'm debating staying for the noon class on Monday before I head to Denver. (He is a game competitor who was actually in the Sub X event I volunteered at, as well as the On the Mat tournament the next day. He submitted his Sub X opponent with a very nice arm bar setup and then all of his OTM opponents, though I didn't see those matches.)

Abdullah and his friends Fabiola and Tom came later, and Don had to close up shop a little after they arrived. So since Adamarie and I were headed to Jemez anyway, we agreed to meet back at the judo club tomorrow at 1, when we'll spar until we can't spar anymore. I think I mentioned that in addition to Abdullah being a judoka, Fabiola is a wrestler. So they are going to take me down. And take me down some more. I'm simultaneously excited and horrified.

Speaking of simultaneously excited and horrified, that was basically Adamarie's reaction to jiu jitsu. She said that once she saw me doing it, talking to people who do it, and talking about it after the fact, she saw what all the fuss was about for me, and couldn't imagine me NOT doing it. Before I started sparring, I tried to point out different things to her that the other students were doing: arm bars, triangles, etc. And then when she saw me doing the same things, she said that I just looked all there--completely present. And that's how I feel when I train. So maybe I'll start inviting people who don't train to come watch me train, if they want to understand why I quit my job and sold my home to do this thing. My parents have seen me train, but they saw me compete against a woman with fake boobs, who was rumored to be a stripper, in a sports bar full of drunk people. But still and all, I think they got it. It wasn't about the fake boobs or even the stripping. It was a little bit about the drinking, okay sure, but it was mostly about the self improvement and the pushing myself. My mom even got some of the drunk people to chant for me when I was competing (I won).

In other news, I like Adamarie's friend Jen, the one we had breakfast with on Thanksgiving Day. I like her because she was fun to talk to, but also because she thought I was in my mid- to late twenties. I'm convinced people think I'm young because I act like I'm about twelve, but I'll take what I can get. Especially because one of my new hobbies is plucking the gray hairs from my head. There are lots of them. And my hair used to be blonde, both naturally and when I was coloring it, but now I have stopped coloring it and it has grown naturally darker, so the gray shows up more. Maybe I'll look like Gloria Steinem, who has cool gray and brown hair, but I'm not ready to go there yet. So it's the tweezers for me.

I keep meaning to post this picture for David A. Jacobs, aka DAB:

Who loves you, DAB? Your pal Val, that's who! Fanny pack and all.

So I'm really enjoying my stay in ABQ. Adamarie is a terrific host, the weather and the scenery are gorgeous (again, I do have pics and will post them--promises promises, I know), and it's great to train with Abdullah. Adamarie and I have been watching a crapload of movies n between doing other things, and drinking wine isn't such a bad thing either. She has to work tomorrow afternoon, so I will meet up with Abdullah, Fabiola, and Tom, and we'll train till we are tired. Then I'll probably watch another movie or two (Adamarie's friend works for Paramount pictures, so Adamarie has tons of DVDs just sitting around her place. So I've seen The Interpreter, The Ice Harvest, Friday Night Lights, Prime, The Break Up, and Pride and Prejudice. I'm gonna watch The Life of David Gale or Rumble Fish right now, and then tomorrow I'll watch Munich).

Monday, I leave for Denver. It will be fun to train with the Colorado BJJ guys again. And then Wednesday it's on to Chicago. I'm debating stopping in Bettendorf, IA, home of Miletich Fighting Systems (run by Pat Miletich and featuring fighters such as Matt Hughes and Tim Sylvia); either way, I plan to get to Chicago in time to hang out with as many of my friends there as want to see me. I'll train at Carlson's and at New Breed; just gotta check the schedules. So Chuong, lemme know when you guys are gonna be there!

Okay, better drink some more. I have a buzz to maintain.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Land of Enchantment

Land of Enchantment = New Mexico, according to the sign at the border.

First of all, my friend Jimmy just got his brown belt yesterday! HUGE congratulations to him and his crazy hook feet!

Had a fun time training at Cobra Kai, though some of those no gi guys were huge. But everyone was really nice, particularly Achille, the guy who took my money, and according to him, my soul. And Marc Laimon, the owner/main instructor, lived up to his reputation. His teaching goes something like this:

"Okay, so let's say you're fighting a real schlep."

"Go, fatboy go! Move your hips to get out of that! Or tap."

"I can already see that you guys are fucking this up."

"Gotta go, [insert name]? So you're ducking [insert other name]."

"[Insert comment extolling the virtues of Xbox]."

It's pretty hilarious. For those of you who don't know, Marc has a reputation for being, shall we say, opinionated, especially when he's coaching his students at tournaments, which apparently inspires extreme feelings. What I saw was a funny, loud guy who obviously cares about his students, has good technique to share, and doesn't care about standing on ceremony.

I learned a crapload from him and his student instructors (Sonny, Sim, Jeff, Jason, all of whom, by the way, are incredibly young. WTH was I doing in my early 20s? Not becoming an expert in a damn thing, that's for sure), stuff that I'll actually be able to incorporate (because it's not too complicated for me), including a cool transition from being in side control directly into a D'Arce choke. I think I surprised Jason, who teaches wrestling, today, because I know how to pummel, and, as he said, I'm really strong for 140 pounds (should I have told him that I'm up to 144?). He seemed psyched that I was there because there aren't many women who do this crap, as we both lamented. He showed some really cool takedowns, and again, should I ever actually be able to shoot in on someone, I will be able to use them. Oh, and Forrest Griffin was there again today, training with the rest of us. He's one of the huge dudes.

Then, after a stop at the On the Mat store next door and a chat with Scott, the Cobra Kai instructor I had met at the tournament, it was on to Albuquerque, where I am now. It took me 9 hours to drive about 570 miles; the road I took led past the Hoover Dam, which was packed with tourists, and small towns with low speed limits. Plus, there were just more people than normal on the road because of the holiday. But once I hit the interstate (40), I took the speed limit of 75 as a "guideline" and made up some time.

So now I'm at my friend's place, ready for turkey day tomorrow and to train with Abdullah and Fabiola on Friday. I talked to Abdullah today and he was in the middle of making an Oreo cheesecake. I think we will get along just fine.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, especially my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and nieces. I wish I were with you today, but will see you soon.

And BTW, as Marcel would say, big ups and major props to the peanut gallery that is commenting lately. You're making me laugh. So keep it up. There's nothing like laughing at other people making fun of still other people. I give it seven thumbs up!

Pics from my last week in LA

Trained at Cobra Kai twice today. Gi classes in the morning with Sonny Nohara and Jeff Glover, a gi class this evening with Sim Go, and a no gi class this evening with Marc Laimon. Forrest Griffin was also there in the morning doing his MMA thing. I know I should be taking pictures, but there aren't any good opportunities. Maybe tomorrow. Will write more about it tomorrow; right now I want to post the pictures I have from last week.

Johnny, Johnny's mouth guard, and Tatiana:

Me and Tatiana:

Me and Tatiana doing the hand thing that lots of jiu jitsu guys do when they're getting their pictures taken:

Close-up of our Team Estrogen patches:

Picture from after the Saturday On the Mat tournament. Felicia, Jimmy, a very skinny and bald Parker (he cut weight too), me, Emmee, Crystina.

At The Loft, digesting Hawaiian buffet. Kenny (who thought the picture was taken before all the flashing stopped), Scott, Eva, Kei, Britt and Felicia (standing), Jimmy (who hates having his picture taken), Rudy, me.

My Sub X volunteer credential, featuring Randy Couture and Jacare (their fight was a draw).

Some gnarly-smelling liniment Johnny gave me for my sore shoulder. I guess Thai boxers use it. And stink.

Back into the unknown

NOTE: I have pictures to share, but can’t seem to get around to posting them. Watch this space for when I get my act together! Meantime, here are lots of words.

Lots of lasts on Fri, Sat, and today. Did my laundry for the last time at the Laundromat down the street. Had the same conversation I have every time with the kind old man who works there about how I should really dry my clothes on medium or maximum heat because it goes faster than just warm, even though every time he tells me that, I tell him I don’t want to shrink my gis too much. Had my last fruit plate from Water Gourmet (hold the walnuts and add extra coconut). Slept on that gnarly couch for the last time (creaka creaka creaka). Was the butt of an Eben joke for the last time (I think it was that I don’t look a day over 50). Sean Thai kicked me for the last time like a brother would—not hard enough so that I can tell on him, but hard enough so that it hurt. Said goodbye to Johnny and Vince, who left at 3 Friday morning to go to Sacramento for Saturday’s UFC; Johnny was one of the corner men for his student Hector Ramirez. (Hector did well in the first round against James Irvin but got TKOed in the second round—big jab to the chin and then a flurry of punches from Irvin to finish him off). Already trained for the last time at Big John McCarthy’s academy last Sunday and Raw on Tuesday.

Friday I weighed in for the On the Mat tournament and grabbed a bite to eat with Jimmy. He had cut something like 10 pounds—whereas I have been steadily drinking gravy and melted lard, or so it seems based on my current weight of 144—so he was unusually cranky until he got some food in his stomach. Then he was usually cranky. (Just kidding, Jimmy.) Then I heard from Cindy that there was a need for volunteers at the LA Sub X event. LA Sub X is the Professional Submission League, which puts on grappling tournaments that feature the best in the world. The main event for this time around was Randy “The Natural” Couture vs. Ronaldo “Jacare” de Souza. Couture is recently retired from the UFC, and this was to be his first straight submission event. Jacare (which means “alligator”), on the other hand, is trying to get into events like the UFC.

Other big names competing at the event included Marcelo Garcia, Jeff Glover, Kron Gracie, and Rafael Lovato, Jr. Josh Barnett, a Pride Ultimate Fighter, provided color commentary for the podcast. Rickson Gracie was there coaching Kron (his son). Bruce Buffer did the introduction of the main event and Big John McCarthy refereed. The guitarist for the Foo Fighters played the national anthem. Apparently Ed O’Neill (played Al Bundy on Married…With Children and is a brown belt) and Rikki Rocket (drummer for the band Poison and a purple belt) were also there. I also saw Joe Rogan (purple belt).

So it was a cool thing to be “backstage” for. I helped Cindy set up chairs before the event started and then sold T-shirts during intermissions. Fortunately, everyone wanted to watch the show, so when the fights were actually happening, the T-shirt table was deserted and I had a great view. I tried to explain to Erin, who was also helping, what was going on because she doesn’t have any grappling knowledge. She picked it up quickly! Here’s a picture of my credential, which of course I kept. It made me look and feel official!

PIC

It was also great to be able to hang out with Cindy. She is such a warm and friendly person; she's just so enjoyable to be around. We had fun hanging out in the headquarters trailer sticking stickers on compilation DVDs and eating M&Ms (now you know what goes on behind the scenes of a high profile grappling event. But it's all very classy--the M&Ms were DARK chocolate).

The catering for the volunteers was pretty funny; you knew you were at a martial arts event, because while there was typical stuff like beer, chips, candy, and sandwiches, there was also stuff like flaxseed oil, Cytomax, and Muscle Milk, which are all dietary supplements that give you extra electrolytes or protein. (Cytomax and Muscle Milk are powder based and you add them to water and drink them.) So you could either be in serious training mode with the flaxseed oil or be in party mode with the beer. Sometimes the guys at the academy have it both ways, enjoying a nice plastic tumbler full of “Cytogin,” for instance.

After everything was over, I hung out a little bit with Felicia, Jimmy, Kei (who is training for an MMA event himself), and Alicia, but we were all tired and Jimmy and I were getting ready to compete the next day (yesterday). So we didn’t grab a bite to eat, which had been the original plan, though Felicia brought me cream puffs from the Japanese bakery she likes. They were awesome. And then I drove back and crashed hard, getting up at 8am to make it to the tourney in time to compete.

So the tournament was weird. There were no purple belt women for me to compete against in the gi part, which, unfortunately, is kind of common. The higher up you go, the fewer people there are who compete, especially for women. Frequently tournaments end up collapsing the purple, brown, and black belt women into one division, which sucks for everyone, but especially the brown and black women, because they run the risk of losing to a lower belt.

Something similar happened to me. Since there were no purples, the tournament promoters Ryan and Bill asked the blue belts if anyone wanted to fight me. Some of them did. So I had 4 gi matches. I won them all, and I’m happy about it, but without taking anything away from any of the women, who were really tough and game, I kind of should win them all. Sean said he heard a coach say just that; someone said about me, “Wow, she’s sweeping the division,” and the response was, “Well, she SHOULD.”

One coach, who is the black belt sister of the blue belt woman I beat twice, did compliment me on my matches and thank me for “stepping down” and fighting down a belt ranking. She said that there are lots of people who are unwilling to do that, which is true, for the reasons I just mentioned. Her sister was really game and kind of gunning for me. I didn’t mind, though. I have to get used to that kind of vibe. As my friend Natasha says, when you step on the mat, those women facing you are not your friend.

I think that’s part of why I didn’t like competing, because I didn’t like that vibe. I’m getting better about it, but I did let it affect my performance against Crystina, who took it to me in both gi and no-gi. In gi I won by ref decision after two overtimes (I was stuck in her guard and couldn’t open it, and while she tried a couple submissions I was never in any danger, and then when she opened her guard in the last minute of the second overtime, I went for a footlock that was pretty close. So they gave it to me), and in no-gi she took my back twice for a 8-0 win. She beat me fair and square in no-gi and gave me a really hard time in gi, for sure. But we are friends and I think I let that affect how I approached the match. It’s a good lesson for me that I won’t forget next time.

So if I let my ego talk, it was kind of a bad experience because sure I beat some blue belts, but that’s what I’m supposed to do. And I didn’t even tap any of them. And I lost to one in no-gi, though Crystina is also an Abu Dhabi veteran, not to mention a seasoned competitor. If I let my higher self talk, though, it was a great experience. I had 5 matches, which is more than I had in the last 3 competitions combined. So I got a sense of what it’s like to have to draw on reserves of energy (it sucks—I need more conditioning). I was able to set up two submission attempts—a footlock and a bow and arrow choke. I didn’t finish either person, but I think I came pretty close. I took another step toward being competitive on the mat and leaving it there so I can continue to be friends with the people I compete against.

What I’m realizing is that if I’m going to live in this BJJ world, I will have to get used to living with a sense of inadequacy all the time. Forever. I will lose and win, I will improve (I hope), maybe someday my belt color will change (though not any time soon, I hope), but there will always be more to learn and more I could do better. Not to mention all the other things to think about like: refereeing, teaching, bracketing competition divisions, knowing the quality of gis and mats, etc. Not to mention all the people who will always be so much better than I am.

There are times when it feels overwhelming, how little I know about BJJ, but the cure for that is to get out there and learn more. That means taking opportunities to bracket competitions, which I’ll be doing at the East Coast Grappling Championships on December 9 in Richmond, VA, which my friends Andrew and Chrissy are running. It means finding opportunities to referee, starting with kids’ matches, which I’ll try to do at one or another tourney, maybe when I get back out to LA. It means jumping into competitions, which I’ll also do in Richmond (gi match against Emily Kwok, the woman who beat me at the Abu Dhabi trials), as well as at a tournament Natasha told me about that’s going to happen on December 2nd in Joliet, IL. And leaving my ego at the door every time so that when I make mistakes, I shake them off and keep going.

(BTW, if I can get under 140, I’ll be in the lightest weight class for the Joliet tournament. Guess I shouldn’t have had extra caramel sauce on my bread pudding this morning—more on that in a minute.)

I think that what helps with all of that is getting to know more and more people in this world, which I’m definitely starting to do. It also makes it easier to go back to being “ballsy,” as people have described me for visiting all these academies. At the tournament yesterday I ran into Bevois, a long time acquaintance from the forum. He is now working for On the Mat, living in Las Vegas, and training at Cobra Kai, which is where I’m planning to train this week. So when he found that out, he introduced me to Scott Bieri, one of the instructors there. Scott was of course incredibly nice and welcoming and told me to just show up at the OTM store (which is next door to the academy) and he’d introduce me around. He might not be back from the tournament by then, but he will be before I leave. So now I’m not going in cold turkey, as it were. Connections are nice!

I am in Vegas now. Staying at the Sahara. I have some crappy pics of the outside from when I took a walk on the strip earlier tonight. Had a funny conversation with the lady working in the 7-11, who sees all kinds, she says, including one guy who came in all disgruntled, blinked at another customer, and claimed that he worked for CSI and that the other customer had just been “scanned.” Tomorrow after the morning class at Cobra Kai I’m thinking I’m going to go to the Starlight for the public auction they’re advertising. I could also gamble, obviously. They make it virtually impossible for you to do much else. I’m starting to get energized about being on the road again. Far better than crying, which Felicia gave me a hard time about this morning at brunch, and I didn’t even do it, though I was sad to leave everyone.

Felicia, Britt, Jimmy, Rudy, Eva, Scott, Kei, Kenny and I went to brunch at a place called The Loft in Torrance for Hawaiian buffet. I have mentioned Hawaiian cuisine before, and the buffet featured things like spam sushi, Hawaiian chicken (it’s fried, but a little sweet and damn good), bread pudding with pineapple and caramel sauce, bacon fried rice, teriyaki beef, as well as normal breakfast foods like pancakes and omelettes. Top it off with some Hawaiian iced tea and some brownies and you have yourself a fabulous training diet. Only thing missing was a Muscle Milk mimosa.

It was a lovely sendoff, complete with a trip to the vitamin store, where everyone else bought things like Muscle Milk and I bought things like high-protein chocolate chip cookies, stevia (natural sweetener with few calories), and seltzer water. Then I drove away. I expected to cry, but I didn’t. Sometimes I actually think my crying gets in the way of being able to feel something, so I just drove along with the radio off, feeling sad and grateful to all the people who’ve been so amazing to me in LA. Below is a copy and paste of a post I put on nhbgear.com to thank everyone:

“Some of you may know I've been driving around the country training jiu jitsu in different places this summer and fall. I got to LA at the end of August, intending to stay here for a couple weeks. I have stayed for almost 3 months. I'm leaving tomorrow to travel back east and finish up my trip.

“The reason I stayed in LA so long is the people. The amazing, friendly, hilarious, talented people. I am so grateful to everyone I've met here who has befriended me/taken me under their wing, improved my jiu jitsu game, and made me fall in love with LA a little bit. I have been repeatedly astonished at how welcoming and helpful everyone has been, but then I remember that BJJ attracts terrific people, and then I just feel lucky. Lots of these people post on this forum, so I want to thank them publicly.

“I'm especially grateful to Johnny Ramirez and John Ouano from New Breed Academy in Santa Fe Springs, who put me up and account for most of whatever improvement there has been in my game over the past couple months. They are incredibly hospitable guys and amazing BJJ practitioners and instructors. If you EVER have a chance to visit them, you should. They will welcome you with open arms and give you terrific instruction, and their students are really talented and fun. (They also have Tekken and an enormous TV!)

“Thank you also, so much, to Uh Oh, Wutang, Wen, Xtina, 40, Belle, HPF, HPF GF, Twerp, Rudini, Alicia, Dr. Kimura and the current Mrs. Kimura, Noname, Andreh, Hura, Hardcorestreetthug, JC Plentee, Sweepem, Creek Warrior, and Ze Great Escojido.

“And thanks to the people I've met in LA who don't post here: Cindy, Vince, Rey, Sean, Eben, Sheldon, Charlie, Greg, Laura, Steven, Brandon, Shawn and Sean from Hollywood BJJ, and last but not least, UG D0uchebag.

“It's been great, everyone! I'm really sad to be leaving, and I look forward to seeing you all again in 2007.”

In other news, my friend Marcel, a Straight Blast Miami purple belt, accepted an internet challenge match against a Mike Moses purple belt, Greg Souder. Marcel is kind of cranky, which means he has no tolerance for people he thinks are stupid—makes me wonder how on earth we became friends. He thought this person was stupid and got into it with him on the keyboard. So now they are going to settle their differences on the mat at the Richmond tournament. I’ll also get to meet Marcel’s wife, Jenny, whom I have long suspected of being inflatable. Nothing against Jenny at all; the pictures I have seen show a lovely woman. But that’s the rub right there. A lovely woman married cranky Marcel. Well, stranger things have happened and will happen in the future. (For instance, perhaps I, too, will get scanned one day.)

I also missed the Princeton-Dartmouth game—Rachel and Jen* called me during it yesterday while I was competing. There was an alumni event, which was probably pretty fun. I didn’t call them back because I got the message late and then when I thought to call today it was late AND my phone battery was dying. I had been talking to Natasha and Debbie, who are both kick ass.

One last random thing: I passed Zzyzx Street on Route 15. Almost took the exit to see what it was like. Didn’t. Just liked the sound of the word.

Okay, it’s getting late and I am getting up for 10am gi class at Cobra Kai tomorrow morning.

I, Spazbot

Yesterday started out good. Johnny and I went to train with Tatiana, who is a brown belt under her husband Rey Diogo. Rey is a black belt under Carlson Sr., my instructor who passed away earlier this year. Carlson was like a father to Rey, so I am part of Rey and Tatiana’s extended family. I have visited them a few times since I’ve been in LA, but not as much as I could have; it’s just been so convenient to wake up, roll off the couch, and get on the mat that’s on the other side of the wall.

But last week Tatiana got in touch with me to see if I wanted to train a few times. She wasn’t at the academy any of the times I have visited in the past couple months, but I remember several years ago, back when I was a blue belt and she was a purple, that she schooled me pretty much, and that I enjoyed it. So the three of us did round robin sparring for a little while and it was a lot of fun. I love sparring with both Johnny and Tatiana, so I was in a good mood.

The problems started when I decided, again against my gut feeling, to train at night. Since I’m competing on Saturday, now is the time, theoretically, to taper down on the training. That thought crossed my mind as I was putting on my gi, as did the thought, “I don’t really feel like training.” But sometimes I feel that way and am glad I power through it; sometimes those feelings preface some of my best training sessions.

No such luck this time. We were working on a sweep you can pull off any time your opponent is standing in your guard. So you can jump guard, or your opponent can stand up to try to pass, and this sweep works. Theoretically. Okay, I was drilling the technique with a guy who is probably about 30 pounds heavier than I am, and okay, it requires hip movement that I don’t come by naturally, but I got so incredibly frustrated when I couldn’t pull it off that I wanted to punch somebody. But that class is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I removed myself from the situation before I did something stupid.

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just that I couldn’t do the technique; that was probably just the icing on the cake. I’m also wigging about leaving LA. It’s still scary even though I keep repeating—ad nauseam—that it’s the right thing to do, because it raises all kinds of existential questions, makes me worry about money even though I’m fine for now, and brings out the loneliness. So not being able to do the technique is actually the least of my worries, but it was the lightning rod. When I excused myself from class, I yanked off my gi top, grabbed my water bottle, and walked around the neighborhood for about an hour, wearing just my gi pants and my rash guard, and crying off and on. I actually also considered getting a hotel room so I could be alone, but I ended up just going back to the academy, where the guys asked me if I was okay and also made the “turn on the waterworks” motion with their fists in front of their eyes. (There’s really no crying in jiu jitsu.)

I’m also cranky because I am gaining weight. I’m up to 143 or 144 from 140. And this past winter I was about 135. I think I was too thin at 135, but 140 felt right. People keep saying it’s probably muscle because I’ve been working out so much, but it’s the same premise as when people say they’re big boned: if that’s true, I must have a huge stomach bone. Gaining and losing weight isn’t as big a deal when you train because you’re constantly trying to make weight and then getting to eat again once you have made weight, but I still don’t feel right with the extra pounds. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from eating.

So I was apprehensive about training with Tatiana today, not because of her but because I am a moody spaz. But it turned out to be great. Johnny couldn’t make it, so we did 8-min rounds on our own interspersed with lots of chatting. Somehow I always make high-ranking women talk to me about what it’s like to be a high-ranking woman. My rank isn’t that high, but I have been in BJJ for a while, long enough to feel at various points like I wish there were more women; sometimes it’s just nice to have some estrogen in the mix. In fact, we took a picture showing our Team Estrogen patches, which I will post eventually.

It was good for both of us, because I’m headed back there tomorrow. Then in the afternoon I’ll go to the weigh-in for the Saturday tourney and meet up with Jimmy for lunch (he had to cut weight so he’ll be hungry) and then to go to the press conference for Sub X. Sub X is a submission grappling event that will feature lots of big names in grappling. So we’ll go watch world-class grapplers sign autographs and answer questions, and then we’ll go watch them grapple.

Okay, tired and hungry. Pictures tomorrow!

Injuries and using my time wisely

An aside to my sister: I love you and am grateful that you are my friend. It’s like those pendants I see in gift catalogs: I smile because you are my sister. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it. We’re stuck with each other for the long haul.

Something I forgot to mention the other day: You may remember that at a competition back in September, a photographer asked me if I was interested in being a calf model for a women’s bodybuilding publication he contributes to. You may also remember that Scott, a brown belt who runs a New Breed affiliate in Virginia, came by to visit Johnny the other night. Well, Johnny had me tell Scott my calf model story, and according to Scott, he knows the photographer from the fetish/porn industry. Scott served as a bodyguard for a woman in the industry, and apparently this photographer is well known in those circles. I never thought any part of my body would ever be in demand for anything even remotely resembling porn. The photographer hasn’t called me and I'm assuming he won't, but it’s obviously a teeny tiny world. And there’s a lid for every pot.

For the life of me, I can’t remember what I did during the day on Monday. I didn’t train in the morning. Evening was gi class at New Breed. We jumped guard and worked on submissions from there. Yesterday we didn’t train at Raw because nobody was available. So I had a free day, and I thought it would be smart to take advantage of the stuff in LA that I haven’t done yet: Disneyland, the ocean, checking out Hollywood. I even solicited suggestions from the forum. Here’s how the day actually shook out:

1. Woke up at 10
2. Farted around till noon (though some of this wasn’t my fault; I was waiting for tea orders)
3. Got tea drinks from the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, a great chain with great teas (and I’m more of a tea person than a coffee person)
4. Farted around some more with Johnny and Sean (Sean was making a mix CD for Johnny to use when he conditions us. Recently we’ve been listening to AC/DC and Black Sabbath.)
Went to Costco and bought $80 worth of dried fruit (they have these dried mangoes that are AWESOME, as well as a mix of apricots, raspberries, and blueberries. Plus, there’s no sulphur dioxide in them, which means no upset stomach for Val)
5. Ate a salad
6. Did the no-gi class at New Breed, which was a conditioning class. So lots of running, rolling, crawling, jumping, sweating, moaning, cursing, pleading, hiding.
7. Ate dinner with Eben, Vince, and Johnny at about 2am.
8. Went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that I clearly took advantage of all that LA has to offer.

I reinjured my left shoulder during the conditioning. Too many pushups, I think. I can’t remember how I injured it in the first place, only that it was feeling better and now it’s feeling yucky again. And my right hip flexor is hurt too, that one from too many sprawls in the conditioning classes last Friday and last night. You sprawl to defend when somebody comes in for a takedown, and sprawling basically consists of dropping your hips on the person’s head and shoulders to keep your legs away from them. You can practice sprawling by throwing your hips on the ground and then jumping up again. That way it’s also a good conditioning exercise, especially when you do about 20 or 30 of them. When I sprawl like that, it’s like I’m having a seizure. And when I seize too many times, my hip flexor gets sore. Ouch.

And then I wrenched my right shoulder while we were practicing takedowns; I went in for a double leg but my right arm got bent upward, which is bad (you want your arms to be bent downward). And then after that, somebody thought it was a good idea for me to kickbox with Eben. I’m pretty sure it was Eben who thought that. Keep in mind that Eben is a black belt and is going to try out for the 5th season of The Ultimate Fighter. He didn’t go super hard on me, and I did catch a couple of his body kicks, which threw him off balance, but then he kicked me in the head. I think we were both surprised about that. It didn’t hurt that much, but apparently the look on my face was priceless. I did a small amount of muay Thai many years ago, but the heavy bag and the pads don’t punch and kick back, and I did a lot more drilling than live sparring. For those of you who think mixed martial arts are just about brawling and anybody can do it and it’s just violence for the sake of violence with no technique or theory, I am here to tell you that you are wrong.

So it was quite a night. No external bruising or anything, but definitely some aches and pains, and some dented dignity.

I have more to report, specifically about training with Tatiana and Johnny today and then wigging out later in the evening and going walkabout for an hour while crying a little, but I’ll write about that later. Consider this a teaser.

More photos

More stuff from my ears, which are pretty hard and fast now. Not too cauliflowery, but you can feel the hardness.

Jason, altogether too excited to be draining my ears:

The Sam-e-splint on my ears to keep them from filling up with fluid again. They haven't. Woo-hoo! Of course, I look like a gremlin here, and I didn't sleep well a couple nights because of the clamps, but it's a small price to pay to keep from eventually looking like a two-handled jug.

Me, Dean Lister, and Crystina. Crystina told me that after I left Dean's academy, one of the instructors apparently told everyone I'm a black belt. The black belt named Felicia, to be exact. Obviously it's a case of mistaken identity; as Felicia said, they must think my relatives are from the really really western part of China. And that my bones are hollow to have made it into the flyweight category.

The week in review

This past week I have started to notice some of those coincidences I’ve been talking about. The ones that convince me that a decision I’ve made is a good one. I’ve known for a couple weeks now that I need to leave LA and continue on my trip. I’ve been waiting for those synchronicities that usually accompany a gut reaction like that and that CONVINCE me it’s true. They have started, all this past week. Hooray!

First one: Abdullah, a guy in Las Cruces, NM, read on my blog that I am going to be in Albuquerque for Thanksgiving weekend and emailed to invite me to train with him and his friend Fabiola, a female wrestler! He is a judoka, so between the two of them, they will kick my ass on the feet and help me with my takedowns. Then maybe we can exchange information on ground stuff.

Second one: Guy Pendergrass, who along with his brother Rob, are brown belts under Gustavo Machado, emailed me saying that he also saw on my blog that I am planning to be in North Carolina in December. He invited me to come train at their academy in Wake Forest. I contacted Melenda, who is one of my acquaintances on the forum, because I know she lives nearby and wondered if she wanted to meet up. Turns out that Guy and Rob are her regular teachers! So I’m going to get to meet her too.

Third one: Sharon, a brown belt in Philly that I’ve been in touch with, has couch space for me when I come through there in mid-December. Plus, Yael, who I got to talk to really briefly at Abu Dhabi (she was the runner up after Felicia in their weight class), is going to be in Philly then too, so I’ll get to roll with both of them!

Fourth one: This one just happened last night. Scott, who runs a New Breed in Centreville, VA, came by yesterday to say hi to Johnny; he was in town for a little bit. He found out I’m kind of a BJJ vagabond and invited me to come train with him and his students, especially his female ones. I was planning to be in the area in mid-December anyway, so it will work out well. Plus, it looks like Johnny is going to be coming out then too. So if I forget anything at the academy when I leave, he can bring it to me! J

So it looks like the universe is behind my decision. I’m feeling good about it, though sad. And I’m doing that thing I do, which is starting to withdraw. Spending more time away from the academy than I normally have and planning my next moves. Feeling sad about leaving and simultaneously eager to get on the road. I have actually considered leaving early, but there is a competition on Saturday that I want to do before I go. It’s gi and no-gi, which means I could have more than one or two matches. So I’m sticking around till Sunday, when I’ll leave for Vegas after training.

I got a little bit back into the habit of “dojo storming” on Thursday, when I drove to San Diego to train at a couple academies there. In the morning it was City Boxing, where Mike Fowler teaches. He is a very accomplished young (23?) black belt under Lloyd Irvin, was the runner up for his weight class at the Abu Dhabi trials, and has leopard spotted hair. I didn’t take a picture with him. I’m getting more and more lax about that stuff, which I guess I should fix. I did get a picture with Dean Lister and my friend Crystina, who trains there, which is where I went in the evening. So morning was gi (kimura, omo plata, and triangle from the rubber guard), and evening was no-gi (one-armed choke from turtle control, taking the back, and kimura, I think). Dean is also a very accomplished black belt, and a very nice guy. Both he and Mike are, in keeping with how nice everyone is that I meet in this community.

Tuesday was fun too; training at Raw and then watching Wallid Ismail (a Carlson black belt) train Ronaldo “Jacare (alligator)” DeSouza for his submission fight against Randy Couture this coming Friday. I think I’ve mentioned both Jacare and Couture before; the general consensus is that Jacare is likely to win because he is the better grappler. Probably haven’t mentioned Ismail before, but he’s another badass who apparently spends time in LA. (Why don’t I just want to live here??)

Wednesday was probably my last training session with Wen, Eric, and Brad at Eric’s place in Laguna Beach before I leave next Sunday. Very sad. Eric is about 6’2”, 200 pounds, and rolling with him was like rolling with someone my own size. He let me play, although he could have kicked my butt for sure. Apparently he has two brothers who are 6’5” and 6’8” or something, so his nickname is Twerp, despite the fact that he’s pretty ginormous himself.

Johnny’s been on a conditioning tear, which means exercises with names like: duck walk, soldier crawl, handstand pushups, hip escapes, sprawls, inchworms, frog jumps, etc. So for 45 minutes on Friday morning and an hour on Friday night we ran, jumped, squatted, rolled, tumbled, pushed, and pulled. It was one of those things that felt so good to stop. But I was also happy that I held my own; I can be slow at some of those things, but I can do them, which means my conditioning is pretty good. Well, it isn’t terrible.

In the evening, although I was achy and tired, I met up in Long Beach with Wen, Michele, Steven, and Noman, whom I had met at the Santa Cruz tournament. We went to a place called O’Malley’s, which is on a cute little strip in town, and hung out there for a while before heading over to the Irisher for pool. Michele and Noman are both officially my favorite people, Michele because she said I am beautiful (with cute dimples) and down-to-earth, and Noman because he didn’t believe me when I said I was 36 (thought I was about 10 years younger). So hot damn, people. The rough look phase must be over! Oh, there’s no doubt I will be sporting another shiner/scratch/mouse/blemish some time soon, but maybe for now I’m back to looking a little less rough.

A little over a week ago, I talked to my friend Andrew, whom I met in graduate school. We had a great conversation, as usual, during which he asked me what I have learned about myself on my journey and what I want for myself. As he said, you can’t get what you want if you can’t articulate it. I agree with this, so I’m gonna try right now. In no particular order, here's what I've learned and what I want.

What I've learned:
1. I’m done living in Chicago
2. I’m ready to land somewhere by early in the new year, but I don’t yet know where. I hope it’s LA, but I can’t know that until I leave LA.
3. From now on, I need to live my life the way I have been on my trip, which is to say by following my intuitions and not too far into the future or the past
4. I love BJJ and want it to be a huge part of my personal and professional life, but also need to strike a balance. Civilian friends/family will always be important
5. I’m done with a 9-5 job for now. The thought of having one depresses me. So I need to think of a different way to make money. Maybe consulting, maybe working at Trader Joe’s for insurance, maybe something else I haven’t thought of yet or that hasn’t put itself in my path yet.

What I want:
1. A place to train where I feel comfortable, and eventually a brown belt and even later a black belt
2. A home (this means an actual structure—tent, adobe structure, yurt, or treehouse—and a sense of belonging)
3. A relationship and family of my own
4. A way to make money that supports my BJJ habit
5. A happy, fulfilled life
6. The courage to continue living my life by following my intuitions and staying in the present
7. Happy and healthy friends and family
8. Good health of my own

So there you have it. My existential wish list. For now, at least. And another stream of consciousness post.

Best wishes to my uncle and extremely random subject matter

First, I'd like to wish my uncle George a speedy recovery. He recently had surgery and is due to be just fine, fortunately. George is my father's youngest sibling (my father is the oldest of 5) and an incredibly smart, fascinating person. I love him and I also like him a lot. I'm thinking of you, George, and wishing you well!

In who-cares-about-this-when-your-uncle-is-ailing-actually-who-would-ever-care-about-this news, I finally got a haircut. I will post pics eventually. So now my mullet is at least a little more kempt; the party in the back has been rejuvenated and the business in the front is more down to business. The lady who cut it said, "You really need to get a trim more often," and practically begged me to buy some product from her. When I said no, she halfheartedly mentioned that she could blow dry my hair for me, and didn't seem surprised--just dejected--that I declined. It had been about 4 months since I got a trim. I kept meaning to make an appointment with Kazumi, and I kept not getting around to it. Well, what can you do? Actually, now maybe I can face Kazumi. I've become like those people who clean their houses before they'll let the cleaning service come in.

The funny thing is, now it (my hair) looks exactly like it did when I was 12. I can even remember the 7th grade school picture: my hair exactly the same, my face a little younger, my fashion sense as questionable as it is now (blue button-down shirt with dark blue stripes, white collar, and little dark blue bow tie. Not really a bow tie. Not a bolo either. Kind of in the middle. A bowlo.). So how did I come full circle? Maybe I should just shave it off. It'd make training easier. But I have lumps on my head, so it would not be pretty. As one of the dorky random gift catalogs that seem to be ubiquitous at this time of year would say, "God created some perfect heads. The rest he covered with hair."

(Those catalogs also have tapestries and/or needlepointed pillows that say things like, "Pobody's Nerfect" and "Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit. Look who's here." I guess it's a good thing that I don't have a place to keep any of those kinds of gifts. My parents are wisely considering giving me a check for Christmas.)

The ears are looking better too. I'll post some pictures of them eventually as well. And thank God the ears are looking better. For a couple days there, Jason would come into the academy, say hello to me, and before I knew it, he'd have the latex gloves on and the syringe at the ready, and be coming at me with the alcohol pad. Turns out he'd check out my ears from across the room and get all excited about draining them. He's getting really good at it (sorry, Sean, he's better than you), but what makes him good is that he examines each ear, squeezes it to within an inch of its life, and drains it about 4 or 5 times, which means 4 or 5 pokes with the needle, until he gets to the "black blood" that drains on its own (i.e., drips down my face). He gets really excited about the "black blood" that drains on its own. I'm assuming it can go without saying that the sequence described above hurts like a bitch.

One other random thought I've been having is that I miss fall. Being in NJ last weekend reminded me that fall is my favorite season. I don't necessarily like that fall leads to winter, but I love the colorful leaves, apple cider donuts, and football. Well, I don't even like football all that much, but I like football as an excuse to get together with friends. I graduated from college in 1992, and since I had gone to Dartmouth, my college friends and I felt a kind of tepid rivalry with Princeton when we remembered to (which wasn't really that often). My parents lived in Princeton for about 13 years, and every other year the Princeton-Dartmouth game was at the Princeton stadium.

If you can't see where this is going, when the Princeton game was in Princeton, my parents would host 10-20 of my Dartmouth friends for the weekend of the football game. It became a fun tradition, with a tailgate that involved a 6-foot hoagie, lots of beer, and even some football watching at times. My parents have since moved to Florida, but people still talk about those weekends, especially the one where Dartmouth beat Princeton in Princeton's last game in its old stadium. At least, I think we won. I do remember an older Dartmouth alum (identifiable b/c dressed completely in green, Dartmouth's color) saying something after the game like, "Push the plunger." There's just something about beautiful leaves, football, brisk, clear weather, real or imagined rivalries, and spiked cider that makes me really happy.

So that's something to consider if I decide to move to LA. I suppose I could watch football on TV, but I'm used to living near football and passing through it on my way to something else, usually jiu jitsu. (I also lived down the street from the Big House--University of Michigan's football stadium for those of you who don't know.) I would just have to figure out how to experience autumn in a part of the country that doesn't really experience it. Well, maybe I could get someone to do for me what I did for a guy I was dating while I was living in Ann Arbor. He was in San Francisco and felt the same way about fall that I did. So I mailed him some leaves. Pretty romantic, eh? All the more reason for me to find a place to live!

Tentative itinerary for November-December

In the previous blog post you can see that I have decided to uproot myself again. I'll head east from LA starting on the new moon on November 20 and plan to roll into Sebring, FL, on December 21 or 22. Here's my tentative itinerary and places to train. Those of you on the route, consider yourself warned; you have plenty of time to become busy!

Oh, and I'm extremely open to suggestions about where to train! Especially when I get to the southeast.

11/20: Drive to Vegas, Cobra Kai
11/21: Cobra Kai
11/22: Cobra Kai

11/23: Drive 500 mi to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving with Adamarie
11/24: Santa Fe BJJ
11/25: Santa Fe BJJ

11/26: Drive 400 miles to Lacey's in Denver
11/27: Colorado BJJ and Easton BJJ
11/28: Colorado BJJ and Easton BJJ

11/29: Drive to Omaha or Lincoln, NE (where to train?)

11/30: Drive to Iowa, Miletich Fighting Systems
12/1: Miletich Fighting Systems, drive to Chicago
12/2-12/8: Chicago, Carlson Gracie and New Breed

12/8-12/10: Fly to Vegas or Richmond for Grapplers Quest or Andrew/Chrissy/Mike's tourney

12/11: Fly back to Chicago; drive to Jen and Todd's in Pittsburgh, Steel City BJJ

12/12: Drive 300 miles to Jennifer's in Brooklyn, Renzo Gracie and Marcelo Garcia
12/13: Renzo Gracie and Marcelo Garcia (hang out with Jennifer, Leigh, Lee, Woody, Tim)
12/14: Renzo Gracie and Marcelo Garcia (hang out with Jennifer, Leigh, Lee, Woody, Tim)

12/15: Drive to Philly; train with Rick M., Sharon, DC, etc.
12/16: Train with Rick M. Sharon, DC, etc

12/17: Drive to Washington, DC; see Chris, Natalie, Jen*, Julie, Patrick, Ken, Mary, Karen, Noah
12/18-12/20: Yamasaki (Dave, Chris, Joe), Evolve, Lloyd Irvin

12/20: Drive to Raleigh, NC (where to train?)

12/21: Drive to Savannah, GA (where to train?)

12/22: Drive to Tampa, FL, Gracie Barra Tampa; drive to Sebring, FL

Getting a twitch

As my father would say, I'm getting a twitch. To get on the road again. So that's the plan, within the next couple weeks. November 20th, to be exact. It's the Monday after the On the Mat tournament the previous weekend, at which I'm hoping to compete gi and no-gi. It's also the new moon, which Nora always says is a good time to start something new, and if you set some intentions on the new moon, you can realize them by the full moon. Cool.

As with most/all of my major life decisions in the past year or more, my decision to head out started with the idea just popping into my head. Obviously, ideas pop into people's heads all the time, so the way I know when an idea has legs is if it persists for more than a couple days. I wake up and think about it, and I feel compelled to work on making it happen, even if it's scary. Then I REALLY know it's the right thing when the universe seems to lend a hand.

For instance, when I decided earlier this year to sell my home (after I had decided to quit my job but before I had decided to take my vision quest), I remember being so freaked when I told my realtor Melissa to list the place that I actually had to put my head between my knees, kind of like I was preparing for a bumpy landing. I had no plan beyond selling, no idea where I would live or what I would do. But the thought of NOT listing it frightened me even more. And then I knew the universe was on the case when, even in the midst of a very flat market, in a selling season I had entered pretty late (April), I got a firm offer within 2 weeks. And as it turned out, I made significantly more on the place than I was expecting. So it was the right thing for me because I persisted even though I wanted to crap a brick and because the elements that were beyond my control just fell into place in a better way than I would have been able to orchestrate myself.

With this decision to leave LA, I'm still at the industrious yet freaked stage. Life at New Breed has been so great, and Johnny and John have been so good to me; it would be really easy to just live there indefinitely, sponging off their hospitality and expertise, and continuing to hang out with all the people I've met here in LA, many of whom are becoming friends. But every day for the past week or more I have awakened feeling like my journey isn't over yet. And every day I feel compelled to facilitate my departure in various ways.

Yesterday I started planning my last couple of weeks here; I have gotten complacent about seeking out other places to train in the area, writing in my training journal, etc. So I'm starting to fill in the calendar. Over the weekend and on Monday I plotted a tentative itinerary that will give me a month to head east, see friends, compete once or twice, and land in Florida by Christmas so I can be with my family. Today I'm writing down my intention to leave so it becomes real. And tomorrow I'm going to resume writing in my training journal and begin contacting people on my route so they know to expect me. I really know this is the right thing, but I'll REALLY know when the synchronicities start to happen. Those are fun to watch for, and they provide reassurance when I need it.

And I definitely need reassurance. Like I said, it would be so easy just to stay in LA and train and hang out. Even though I stand by the demotion I gave myself, my game has improved dramatically since I've been here (mostly due to Johnny and Felicia). I like LA more than I thought someone with a chip on her shoulder about being from NJ was allowed to. I have tapped into a community that has welcomed me with open arms. And the living here is fine when you don't have to pay for rent OR training, generally.

But that's just it. I'm physically living here, but I haven't committed yet to building a life here. There's a difference. As is probably obvious by now, I'm working at being okay going where the wind takes me. I used to think that living like that--being willing to turn on a dime, or to trust my gut even when all other indicators suggested something else--was irresponsible and maybe even selfish. Now I don't know any other way to live. Where I used to be the queen of overthinking and overplanning, now I just do what feels right.

However, living this way isn't always easy. Sometimes the thing that feels right is the hardest thing to do. In fact, in my limited experience living this way, it's usually the case that the right thing is the hardest thing. I really really want the right thing for me to be moving to LA and building a life here. But I need to leave and finish my trip before I can know what the right thing is. I feel like I am ready to land soon, to commit to a place, a relationship, a way to make money, a group of friends, a routine--in short, a life. But I'm not quite ready. And until I'm completely there, noplace, not even LA, will be right for me, dammit. So if I'm ever going to come back, first I have to leave. And trust that even though I don't know right now where I'll be in a couple months, I know all I need to for the moment, and as I need more information, I'll get it. (Did I mention that sometimes I find it necessary to put my head between my knees to keep my heart from exploding?)